The Truth About Soulmate Relationships

Tarot of Quotes

"Why did he leave me? He was my soulmate!" she cried, "Now he says he doesn't love me any more..." *sob*

As a professional Tarot reader, I deal with a lot of questions about love and relationships including "When will I meet my soulmate?", as if soulmate relationships were the Rolls Royce of relationships.

But here's the truth: they're not, and I tell you why.

What is a soulmate relationship?

You can find different definitions of a soulmate relationship on the internet, and some even include a karmic /past life connection.

This is my version:

In a soulmate relationship there is a mutual strong and deep love connecting both people for life.

That love will never diminish, and over time it can become all consuming and sometimes even leads to co-dependency without you realising.

It is possible that in a soul mate relationship you gradually lose yourself completely giving up your identity and autonomy. 

Two people become one, not just in private but in public, too.

So far, not so good.

Of course, deep love and affection is a wonderful thing, and that is one major aspect of a soulmate relationship.

This love lasts a lifetime, so if someone tells you they don't love you any more, then they have never been your soulmate.

Happy-ever-after in a soulmate relationship?

Not necessarily. As mentioned before, this type of relationship can be stifling, and at one point there will be an urge to break out, even if just for a short time.

Two people can evolve over time in different directions, which will not have an impact on the love they feel for each other, but on their ability to stay together.

When soulmates finally split up, they will experience this as difficult and traumatic, because they cannot stop loving the other but also recognise the reason why their breakup is for the best.

There is no guarantee that soulmates stay together for the rest of their lives.

Are other kind of relationships not just second-best?

Not necessarily. As long as they are built on mutual love, commitment, trust and respect, these relationships can equally last a lifetime but without the entangling energy of a soulmate connection.

A lot of successful relationships are NOT soulmate connections; both people in this kind of relationship manage to grow alongside each other, in fact, they help each other grow. 

They also keep their autonomy and yet are fully committed to each other.

How do you know, if you are in a soulmate relationship?

Although you can feel a strong connection to each other, especially at the beginning of a relationship, only time will tell if you do.

Astrology can also give you a hint as to how you are matched with your significant other. 

This involves your sun and your moon sign. If your moon sign is the same as your partner's sun sign, then this could indicate a soulmate relationship. 

You can also try a Tarot Love Match reading to explore your compatibility.

When you see an old couple still holding hands in public after 50 years of marriage, they are most likely soul mates. 

Like I said, time will tell, and initial attraction and a passionate early phase of a relationship is no indication for being soulmates.

What is for sure is that your significant other will never leave you, because they don't love you any more, and vice versa. 

There can be many different reasons for a breakup, but the love between you would remain forever.

A soulmate relationship usually only happens once in a lifetime, and not everyone experiences one, but that doesn't mean you cannot have fulfilling relationships in your life. 

As you can see, there is no need to aspire to a soulmate relationship, when you can be with someone, who you can be equally happy with, perhaps even happier than you think.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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I am Your Fantasy - A Tarot Poem

I am your fantasy,

your escape from reality.

You only know part of me,

my worst you will never see.

One night a week

you embark on a trip of shame

to experience ecstasy

in a haven away from tedious fidelity.

Those few precious moments you live in the present,

a long way from homely mundanity

feeling the thrill of slow surrender,

drowning in the sea of love infinity.

Imagining a new life with the lover you hardly know,

except every inch of her body,

far away from judgement and false morality,

in a parallel universe, just you and me.

Discarding all you once loved happily

in exchange for sexual alchemy.

Hoping for the flame to burn forever,

determined to fall from grace causing calamity.

But stop. I am reminding you now, right here

that I am just your muse and fantasy.

Your temporary escape from reality.

I will never let you see the worst of me.

For one day the tides will turn, change on its way,

nothing ever stays the same,

turning fantasy into reality and a new mundanity

will be the end of you and me.

All images: 

Tarot of Vampyres, (c) Ian Daniels 2010, Llewellyn Publications

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The Other Woman

Sharman-Caselli Tarot Deck
(c) St. Martin's Press 2002

For most people, having a relationship with a married person isn't a choice but an unfortunate accident.

They fall in love with someone, who hasn't been truthful about their legal status at first, but they are "too far gone" to pull out without facing the emotional pain of a breakup.

Or they knew right from the start, but embarked on the doomed affair thinking they'd met the love of their life rather than thinking straight.

Women especially can get entangled in such a relationship, hoping it will go somewhere.

And when all they get are a few hours a week of rushed love for months on end, they begin to wonder, if this will ever change.

At that point, I receive reading requests: "Will he leave his wife for me?" or "When will he leave his wife for me?"

Before you spend money on a reading, here is a helpful statistic for you:

95% of men, who have an affair, won't leave their wives.

Are you hoping to be one of the lucky 5%?

Sure, we often hear stories about men running off with the mistress only to return to their wives a few months later.

Why?

Because once the secret of the affair has been revealed, the thrill tends to fade and men become disillusioned with their once so exciting lover-on-the-side.

Perhaps he's been telling you that he wants to leave his wife, or he keeps talking about his marital problems and issues, which may lead you to think that you have a good chance.

I'd hate to break it to you, but no. No chance. Unless he has made concrete plans about leaving his marriage behind, he will only use you as an exciting distraction from his otherwise mundane life.

Especially when there are children involved, it will be even less likely he'll leave his family. And if he does, beware! He could easily do the same to you at one point in the future.

If you make the conscious choice about having a relationship with a married man, you need to let go of any illusion that he will leave his wife.

You need to accept that he can only spend a few hours a week with you, sometimes even less. He could dump you at any time, especially when he feels under pressure or he's getting bored of you.

If he is a decent man, who knows his responsibilities, his family will always come first, and you will come last.

There is unlikely to be happy-ever-after with this relationship. Be prepared for that.

Perhaps you are at a point, where you feel alone and desperate. Then now is a good time to reconnect with your friends and rebuild your own social life.

You may have been at your lover's beck and call, which over time will have put you in a position of isolation and powerlessness.

It's time to regain your power.

Now is the time to detach yourself from your lover and do your own thing. When he asks to see you for a few hours, say "no" and arrange to meet up with friends instead.

Start to learn to be more independent again.

Get your life back.

Tell your lover to go and fix his marriage. He shouldn't leave his marriage for you but for the fact that his marriage can no longer be fixed, but he's put all his effort into saving it. It can be tough getting accused of being a home wrecker.

Ok, would you still like to explore your options with an email reading? With a 3-card reading we can explore

1. current energies surrounding your relationship 
2. what you can do to get this relationship moving (one way or the other)
3. overall staying power of this relationship (outlook)

Depending on your individual circumstances, I can adjust this reading to give you best possible guidance.

Hey girlfriend, let's sort this mess out once and for all!

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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On Beauty, Confidence and Self-Esteem

Beauty isn't about perfection. Nobody is perfect. Embrace your flaws; they are likeable and beautiful.

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” 

Confucius

Marilyn Monroe was never a size 0 - she was a size 16

How to get the perfect bikini body?

Just wear a bikini.

Mrs. Brosnan on the beach,
photo via thebodylogic.wordpress.com

What to wear to look slimmer?
Just wear whatever the heck you want. 

Lady at Large Etsy Shop

“There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion.” 

Edgar Allan Poe

Venus at a Mirror, Peter Paul Rubens ca. 1615

“A cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty 

but an obsession about female obedience.” 

Naomi Wolf

Stop obeying the media. 

All they want is for you to feel crap about yourself, so they can have more power over you.

How to look younger?

Just stay young in your heart, love life 
and follow your passions.

And wear whatever the heck you want.

Affirmation: I am grateful for the privilege to grow old. 

I know that many people aren't so lucky.

How to get luscious lips?

You don't need botox. No need to paint them with chemicals.

Just dab with a little olive oil (natural lip gloss!) 
to make them shine. 

And kiss more often.

What makes you more beautiful?

Tarot of Quotes

LOVE!

Especially the love, kindness and care you give to yourself.

Lovingly accepting and embracing your flaws, your past, your dreams, and radiating that love on to others.

Do something every day that is loving 
and nurturing towards your body.

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.

 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone." 

Sam Levenson

In the olden days, there was no Photoshop to create an illusion of beauty. 

My mum in the early 1950s in Berlin,
still traumatised from World War II

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. 
These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. 
Beautiful people do not just happen.” 

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

The Empress, Bonefire Tarot (c) Gabrielle West

“You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, 

and irresistible for the rest of your life.” 

Coco Chanel

Warmest wishes,

Christiane 

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New Moon in Sagittarius Tarot Reading

Tarot of Quotes

As promised in my previous post, here are the cards I have drawn last week for my New Moon reading.

In Tarot, Sagittarius is linked to Temperance, which indicates a need for balance, moderation, harmony, healing and spiritual growth. The card that came up right behind Temperance was the Fool.

Here in connection with Temperance, the Fool is suggesting to create balance and spiritual growth by starting afresh in areas in my life I have been feeling stuck for a while. The Fool is about being open and receptive to new opportunities without fear. Avoiding too much planning ahead and instead living in the here and now. Taking a leap of faith and trusting to be on the right path.

The next card I drew was the Lovers as my goal. The Lovers indicate a need to focus on relationships. Openness, honesty and clear thinking will create harmony and healing. Relationship issues need to be resolved once and for all. I know what I need to do ;)

What is the next step to take? To answer this question, I drew the Ten of Pentacles. Security and stability are important factors in a relationship, but with Temperance as an influencing energy, it is also important to combine traditional values with personal principles and needs. This can cause quite a stir ;) Blending conflicting needs and expectations will help to build and maintain strong emotional bonds. This in turn will lead to healing and abundance.

Knight of Wands' strengths (Temperance Persona card) to utilise to achieve goal: courageous, passionate, pro-active, confident, inspiring

Knight of Wands' weaknesses to avoid: Arguments, turmoil, recklessness

On the 28th December, the full moon will be in Cancer (Chariot, Queen of Cups); what will come to fruition at that time? You can do your own moon readings in 2013 with my Tarot Moon Journal.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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Tarot Astrology: Sun in Sagittarius, Full Moon in Gemini

Cosmic Tarot, Norbert Lösche © 1988 F.X. Schmid

Tomorrow the energies of the full moon in Gemini (Lovers) together with the lunar eclipse will mingle with those of the current sun sign Sagittarius (Temperance). What do these two cards tell us about this astrological combination? What do we need to pay attention to at this time?

We have already experienced this combination in May this year, when the full moon was in Sagittarius with Gemini in the sun, and the emphasis at that time was about healing relationships.

Whilst Temperance is asking us to focus on moderation and harmony, the airy energy of the Lovers reminds us to strive for mental equilibrium. The key phrase is "mind over matter".

Temperance suggests a need to reduce, de-clutter and discard; less is more! Combined with the Lovers this may well relate to information overload. Are you getting carried away floating around the internet reading too much stuff about other people? All that random unimportant rubbish clearly serves no purpose to your life and well-being.

The Temperance/Lovers combination is asking you to

• heal your way of thinking, and be more discerning about the information you are seeking and absorbing; avoid reality TV and celebrity gossip trash in favour of what inspires your creative potential. 
• slow down, even when the collective madness of the world around you is speeding up; let go of those constant status updates, Twitter feeds and other mind-cluttering titbits bombarding your smart phone. Instead, enjoy listening to classical music, have a calming bath, light some candles and other sensory pleasures that help you clear your mind from excess clutter. 
• reduce your anxiety levels, which may be raised at the time of the Gemini full moon. In Tarot, Gemini is also linked to the Nine of Swords, which is associated with worries and fears. Keep anything at bay that induces or increases feelings of anxiety, which can keep you from making the right connections that help you move forward, evolve or understand the bigger picture. 
• play and be creative. Find productive projects that utilise your mental energy, intellect and imagination. Best to be shared with family, friends and in social circles - playing games, cooking, crafting, telling stories.

The Temperance/Lovers energy combination can help you focus on mental clarity and free thinking. Collaborate with others rather than compete. Strive for new knowledge that aids health, rejuvenation and personal transformation.

How will you take advantage of the Temperance/Lovers energy mix this month? Do you feel you need a break from media overload and social networking to clear your thoughts and create more space for healthier and more grounded activities?

This week seems like an ideal time for a serious mind detox ;)

Enjoy! It will do you good.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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A Message From The Lovers

Tarot of Quotes

"A relationship is a three-part journey: 

First there's infatuation. 

Then there's conflict – the part where most people jump ship. 

The third part is becoming an active participant in your partner's feelings, and that's the method to the madness." 

Alanis Morissette

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Tarot Astrology: Sun in Gemini, Full Moon in Sagittarius

Lovers, Temperance Aquatic Tarot © Andreas Schröter  

The upcoming Full Moon in Sagittarius on the 4th June will be special; at the same time, a Lunar eclipse will take place, and the combination of the Lovers/Temperance energies together with a Lunar eclipse indicates the need to face shadow aspects of the way we conduct our relationships. This can be highly emotional, passionate and unsettling, but also cleansing, healing and rebalancing.

Eclipse energy tends to initiate movement; issues or situations will be resolved, concluded or let go of, but in the Sagittarius Full Moon this should be good news.

Both Tarot cards relating to the Gemini/Sagittarius combination depict angels; the Temperance Archangel Michael is protecting and illuminating, while the Lovers' Archangel Raphael helps with healing and reconciliation (see also Tarot & Angels). We are blessed with angelic healing energies.

The Lovers/Temperance combination of air and fire is a friendly one; even if a relationship came to an end at this time, it would be for the best, and we'd know it.

The focus of the forthcoming Gemini/Sagittarius/Lunar Eclipse will be on healing relationships. This can include:

• coming to terms with and resolving conflict 
• be open-minded about new ideas and perceptions; they will initiate movement and progress
• choose to be with someone, who values and appreciates you
• making choices that are healthy and healing
• a relationship or situation comes to an end, or there is final closure
• honest and open communication
• make choices that are loving towards yourself
• let go of unrealistic expectations; be more flexible and tolerant
• Relax, forgive and heal.

What to avoid: over-analysing, being controlling, stubborn, narrow-minded, selfish and stuck in your ways.

Enjoy the forthcoming full moon, and be mindful about using its energies towards harmonising, rebalancing and healing your most precious and important relationships - and yourself!

Christiane

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Zodiac Card The Lovers - Gemini

The Lovers is associated with the zodiac sign Gemini. If Gemini is either your sun or moon sign, then the Lovers is one of your zodiac cards.

As a sun sign card, the Lovers may reflect your conscious, expressive, outward, open personality; how you engage with people and the world around you.

As a moon sign card, the Lovers reflects your unconscious, hidden, blocked personality traits, instincts and emotions; you feel them within.

Personality Traits associated with the Lovers:

Positive: versatile, communicative, self-expressive, inquisitive, spontaneous, eloquent, intellectual, lively, entertaining, sociable, inventive

Negative: fickle, shallow, inconsistent, cunning, aloof, flirtatious, superficial, emotionally detached, cold, easily bored, restless

Lovers/Gemini Life lessons:

• Making a conscious effort to long-term commitment in a relationship or career
• Using creative talents to avoid boredom; getting involved in projects,hobbies and sports
• Becoming aware and acknowledge feelings and emotions of others; developing empathy
• Making efficient use of variety of knowledge and experiences gained in order to complete goals
• Communicating with honesty, integrity and compassion
• Learning to make wise choices by combining intellectual reasoning with emotional needs
• Learning the art of co-operation

The following Gemini correspondences also relate to the Lovers:

Element: Air
Season/Timing: Late Spring (May 22 - June 21)
Ruling Planet: Mercury (also associated with the Magician)
Stone: Agate
Key Word: Variety
Key Phrase: I Think

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That Old Devil called Love

BEFORE ----------------------------------- AFTER 

So, you are in love and want to get married. Great! Now you want to know, if it will last...

Well, that of course is up to you and your other half, but the Tarot does give you an indication of what is likely to happen to a long-term relationship.

The somewhat cynical message from the Tarot can be seen here in the form of The Lovers and The Devil, where the playful Gemini twins morph into inhibited Capricorn.

The Lovers depict Adam and Eve in Paradise overlooked by archangel Raphael. It's a bright, sunny and optimistic card. Choices to be made, but the potential and outlook seem rosy and happy.

Fast forward a few months or years, or any timescale that has led to a change in the relationship. 

The Devil depicts a couple in chains. The background is all black, and it is the demonic figure of Baphomet, who has taken over from angelic Raphael. 

A grim but archetypal outlook for a couple in love, their destiny foretold by the wisdom of Tarot time and time again. 

Also note the numerical connection of the two cards: The Devil is number 15 in the Major Arcana sequence; 1 + 5 = 6, the number of the Lovers.

Yes, long-term relationships have the tendency to go stale and boring. 

The Devil suggests that in relationships many people become complacent and take the other for granted. Over time, couples even become dependent on each other, used to each other and lack the energy to get out of the tedious rut. 

Instead, there is a tendency to find pleasure in activities outside their marriage.

The Devil card in a love reading may not be such a good thing, but thankfully with Tarot this card can be a wake-up call to make some positive changes, to bring the spark back into a relationship. 

As long as there is love, there is hope for good intentions and perseverance to succeed.

Do you believe Tarot accurately reflects the journey of long-term relationships? What are your thoughts on the connection between The Lovers and The Devil cards, given their similar imagery?

Would love to hear from you!

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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