4 Reasons Why you Are Still Single

Cosmic Journaling Oracle

If you have been single for a while, chances are you wouldn't mind meeting that special someone to love and share your life with.

Unless of course you are totally happy with being single, then you don't need to read any further.

But if you do read on, then you might be wondering, why love seems to persistently elude you.

There can be many reasons, which you may be aware of, but sometimes it can also be down to your unconscious behaviour and state of mind that blocks you from attracting that fulfilling relationship you are dreaming of.

Here are some possibilities:

1. You are bitter and resentful about your past experiences

So many people experience a string of unhappy relationships, and after a while it either makes them start keeping 30 cats, or they become highly cynical about the whole love thang.

Unconsciously they begin to develop a kind of victim mentality, forever going on about how terribly they were hurt, and never wanting to be in that situation again.

If you fit into this category, then I know what you must be going through. I sadly haven't been immune to mistreatment either, but I advise you not to let these people rule the rest of your life in such a negative way.

Slowly you are building an impenetrable wall around you, and the only way you can pull it down again is by accepting what happened, learn from it, forgive those people, and then move on.


2. You are still clinging to your ex

If you are still hoping for your ex to return, then you won't attract anybody remotely suitable for you. That's because unconsciously you are not interested in long-term relationships but short-lived flings to fill the void.

You may also still be grieving for your broken relationship and may make some desperate choices for comfort, which you may later regret.

The best thing to do is accept that your ex is unlikely to come back and release that relationship mentally and emotionally. I know it is hard and it will take a while, but it will help you put closure on the past and open up to new opportunities.


3. You are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect

The basic ingredients for a long-term relationship is mutual attraction, chemistry, trust and respect. It's also important that you share same interests (at least a few) and values. On that foundation you can develop long-term love and commitment.

But do they really have to have a university degree like you? Or have lots of money? Or a job that your parents (or your peers) approve of?

Whatever you are looking for in your next relationship, by all means make a priority list, but don't dismiss someone, only because they don't tick one of the ingredients on your wishlist.

Think carefully about what is most important to you, but don't make that list so long that it will be hard for anyone to fulfil.

Explore, where you could compromise and still make it work. This isn't about "settling" for second best but discovering the hidden gems in a potential relationship and the all-important give and take.


4. You are desperate

It's been so long since your last relationship that you have stopped discerning the wheat from the chaff, and you are looking at every man or woman you meet as a love potential.

This can make you act in strange ways, like getting too close to someone you talk to at a social event, drink too much, offer your phone number etc. without noticing that they are just not interested in you.

And when you do get the chance for another date, then you keep getting in touch with them too often, and basically on an unconscious level you just exude desperation, which sadly is terribly unattractive.

Cool down. Step back. Relax. There is a better way how you can attract love into your life without trying too hard.

That doesn't mean you have to crawl into a shell and stop socialising. Instead, enjoy meeting new people and see them as potential friends rather than anything more. This way you build your social network, and who knows, one of them might be rocking your boat at one point in the future.

Cosmic Journaling Oracle

Always trust the process and know that love will come your way when you least expect it.

Questions you could ask the Tarot:

1. What blocks have I created that hinder me from finding new love?

2. How can I overcome them?

3. What else can I do over the next four weeks to invite new love into my life?

If you love using the Tarot to explore your love issues, then you may enjoy using my Tarot & Spirituality workbook containing some insightful spreads and activities for self-development and personal growth.

For more articles on love and relationship topics, click here.

And if you would like a reading for personal guidance, I am here for you.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane


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Women, Know Your Worth!

Angels, Gods and Goddesses Oracle
(c) Toni C. Salerno 2003 

Having done so many Tarot readings addressing love and relationship issues over the years, I have noticed a distinct pattern: how women so readily settle for shitty relationships.

Yes, they are treated like shit and think that's normal or okay.

Women have the tendency to blame themselves for the way they are treated, and to a certain extent they're right.

They let it happen, because they think they shouldn't make a drama, complain or make some other kind of fuss.

Most likely, they'd be accused of being highly strung or having hormonal problems, and no woman wants to give that impression or have that reputation.

But here's the deal: women have to learn to set firm boundaries based on self-love; they need to realise their worth and make their relationship choices accordingly. And expressing emotions doesn't equal drama or PMT.

Here are some of the ill-treatments women put up with:

1. Lack of Communication

After weeks of dating and getting closer, suddenly the bloke doesn't get in touch any more. Total silence for days, but then out of the blue he makes contact again as if nothing has happened.

Unless this guy was in a coma or on a secret undercover mission working for MI6, then there is absolutely no excuse for this kind of behaviour, especially when this happens a couple of times.

If this has happened more than once, then it's time to ditch that player for good.

There are men out there, who consciously starve you of communication or time, so you keep wanting them more. Don't fall into this venus fly trap.

2. Two-Timing

I'm not talking cheating here (which of course is bad enough), but the woman actually being aware of another woman he is interested in.

Hello? Are you sure you want to nurture his ego by waiting for him to make a choice between you and the other?

Honestly, please... you don't have time for this. There is someone else out there for you, who would love you with all his heart and wouldn't treat you as an option or a stand-in.

This guy needs a reality check and realise he's not the only man on the planet. Tell him to make do with the other and block him completely out of your life.

3. Ambivalence

If after three months of dating, a man is still floating in and out of your life, prefers gaming, drugs, checking out other women and his mates over you, then it's time to kick that jerk in the butt and say "good riddance".

4. Passive Abuse

Physical abuse is clear-cut zero tolerance, and you should leave that relationship immediately, however, there is also the more subtle psychological abuse, which happens over time and can leave a woman full of self-doubt and with battered self-esteem.

I have written before about toxic relationships, which are emotionally draining and exhausting. They are the most difficult to get out of, because the symptoms tend to appear in a more established relationship, and emotional attachment makes is hard to let go.

Here's a question for you: 

When you stick with a shitty relationship, are you doing it because you want to please the man with your compliance and exceeding tolerance until he realises what a gem you are and changes his ways?

Trust me, he will never change, if you just let this happen to you. By ignoring your needs and not demanding the respect and attention you deserve, you just hand your personal power over to him. You are open to degradation and manipulation.

When women contact me for readings about their relationship issues, I don't know at that point what is going on in their lives, but the cards often tell me that something isn't quite right.

It is then up to me, an objective, neutral person from the outside to waive the red flag and help women recognise what is truly happening to them, and how they can make positive changes.

I urge all women to think about their boundaries carefully and realise that any kind of mistreatment as described above is NOT okay.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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On Beauty, Confidence and Self-Esteem

Beauty isn't about perfection. Nobody is perfect. Embrace your flaws; they are likeable and beautiful.

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” 

Confucius

Marilyn Monroe was never a size 0 - she was a size 16

How to get the perfect bikini body?

Just wear a bikini.

Mrs. Brosnan on the beach,
photo via thebodylogic.wordpress.com

What to wear to look slimmer?
Just wear whatever the heck you want. 

Lady at Large Etsy Shop

“There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion.” 

Edgar Allan Poe

Venus at a Mirror, Peter Paul Rubens ca. 1615

“A cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty 

but an obsession about female obedience.” 

Naomi Wolf

Stop obeying the media. 

All they want is for you to feel crap about yourself, so they can have more power over you.

How to look younger?

Just stay young in your heart, love life 
and follow your passions.

And wear whatever the heck you want.

Affirmation: I am grateful for the privilege to grow old. 

I know that many people aren't so lucky.

How to get luscious lips?

You don't need botox. No need to paint them with chemicals.

Just dab with a little olive oil (natural lip gloss!) 
to make them shine. 

And kiss more often.

What makes you more beautiful?

Tarot of Quotes

LOVE!

Especially the love, kindness and care you give to yourself.

Lovingly accepting and embracing your flaws, your past, your dreams, and radiating that love on to others.

Do something every day that is loving 
and nurturing towards your body.

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.

 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone." 

Sam Levenson

In the olden days, there was no Photoshop to create an illusion of beauty. 

My mum in the early 1950s in Berlin,
still traumatised from World War II

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. 
These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. 
Beautiful people do not just happen.” 

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

The Empress, Bonefire Tarot (c) Gabrielle West

“You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, 

and irresistible for the rest of your life.” 

Coco Chanel

Warmest wishes,

Christiane 

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Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

Growing Old is the New Staying Young

Growing old? Bring it on! 

Last night I was totally inspired by Fabulous Fashionistas, a Channel 4 documentary about a group of six women with the average age of 80, who refuse to blend in after a certain age.

The programme highlighted that ageing is an attitude; there is no need to give up on life, work, love, fashion and excitement regardless of how old you are.

Anything is possible, even if you are officially classed a pensioner.

The least you can do is enjoying a ticket to ride in a flamboyant outfit with your well earned free bus pass!

We don't have to be rich, and health problems will crop up too, but we can all strive to enjoy life and be as unconventional as we want to be.

The programme couldn't have been shown at a better time for me, as I'm slowly approaching my 50th birthday - eek! Only a few months to go!

Deep down I have always known that I will never morph into a little old lady with permed hair wearing beige clothes and becoming invisible.

I've always hated beige and that mousy grey....50 shades of grey??? 

Hell no! 

Give me 1000 shades of purple, red, green and blue with a dash of gothic black!

It's not about looking younger - it's about having fun and expressing personality and vibrancy.

It's about thinking and feeling young, which makes a person naturally attractive (no facelift required!).

And I will embrace my wrinkles and white hair. I won't torture my body with botox and plastic surgery only to live up to the media's ideal of forever-looking-young beauty.

Beauty is present at any age.

"I was writing cookery books for decades, and one day I decided to become a weird artist." Sue Kreitzman, 73

Older women are beautifully captured

 in the images of the Gaian Tarot

© Joanna Powell Colbert

I also know that I will work until I drop dead. And even though I love what I'm doing right now, I can see myself doing something completely different, if I'm lucky and blessed enough to reach my 60s and 70s.

And yes, I will always strive to keep fit and work my body, something I have been doing all my life and will continue until I can no longer move.

"The moment you start letting yourself go is the moment when you are old." Lady Trumpington, 91

The women featured in the programme didn't have a charmed life. They have all suffered bereavement, loosing their beloved husbands, and one even lost her son.

But that didn't stop these ladies embracing life despite their painful experiences.

Yes, ageing is a mindset. We need more great role models like these, showing that life is for living, and we can be fabulous at every stage of our journey on this planet.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

PS: Have you noticed that in many Tarot and Oracle decks women are depicted as young and pretty, whereas men are allowed to look older? 

Do you own a deck that depicts older women as attractive, strong and graceful, rather than ugly and frail? Please do let me know ;)

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Recognising a Toxic Relationship

You are in love, but all is not as it seems. Cracks begin to appear, but you are trying to ignore them, because mostly you're getting on well together.

Yet deep down you are anxiously waiting for Jekyll to turn into Hyde yet again, giving you days, sometimes even weeks of misery. When will it be? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month?

It's not easy to recognise a toxic relationship. It all starts very subtly, and the severity increases over time:

• little tiffs become more common and start to intensify
• sarcastic and cutting comments and remarks, e.g. changing from "you are so beautiful" to "you're getting fat"
• no clear communication; avoiding to talk about issues
• accusations, e.g. your tentative request to spend more time together is turned against you as " being controlling"
• avoidance or refusal to show affection or be intimate (you may be accused of being demanding or selfish)
• lack of trust and increased jealousy; again, you may be accused of being a liar, selfish and a manipulator (all based on paranoid assumptions and their own weaknesses)

Remember, a healthy relationship should make you feel nurtured, nourished, appreciated, valued, respected, loved and cherished.

But when it's slowly turning into a trap of negativity, it will make you feel low, depressed, sad, angry, fearful, lost, unhappy, unsupported, alone, losing self-worth and confidence, tired... pulling you slowly into a pit of doom.

When a relationship gets you down this way, then trust me, you need to get out, because you cannot change it.

But of course, it's not always easy to leave a relationship from one day to the next. Most likely you still love that person and hope things will change for the better. But believe me, there will be no change, because the person's personality traits, behaviour and habits are so deeply ingrained, they may even be unaware of it.

Even if they do realise, they find it almost impossible to make positive changes. At best, it will be constant hard work, not just for them but for you, too. In fact, mostly for you, because they actually don't care much, or just haven't got the energy to make the effort.

You'll be stuck in a loveless relationship that will make you feel as lonely as the sole survivor of a global disaster. Before that happens, you will need to learn that it is much better to be alone than trapped in a bad relationship, and overcome your fear of loneliness.

If you suspect to be in a toxic relationship, here are some tell-tale signs, some or many of which will apply:

• they have had numerous previous relationships; some of which only lasted for a few weeks, others were just one-night stands, casual or friends with benefits
• they like to blame others 
• they are highly opinionated
• they find easily fault with you, and they like to point out any weaknesses you have
• they like to hog your attention
• they keep discussing their problems with you, but in return cannot relate to you when you need to talk to them about yours
• they lack empathy and are emotionally limited; don't expect them to love you unconditionally
• they are selfish, always concerned with themselves and their own feelings, not yours
• they like to project their own weaknesses on to you, e.g. when confronted about their increasing level of withdrawal from you, they accuse you in return of the same - very frustrating!
• if you don't do things their way, they become cold, withholding or even punishing (they will do something they know will annoy or even hurt you)
• they always complain about how others treat them; it seems like the whole world is against them
• they always want to have the upper hand, the last word, power and control
• they tend to talk constantly, and you can't get a word in edgeways; you find yourself having to rudely interrupt to turn their monologue into a two-way conversation
• if you challenge them, they are highly defensive and refuse to talk further, giving you the silent treatment
• they are self-absorbed, e.g. they can be surfing the net for hours or playing games on their phone completely ignoring you
• they don't have any genuine friends, just acquaintances or associates
• they aren't that sociable either
• they had an unhappy childhood, or where brought up in a dysfunctional family with little guidance and inadequate role models
• you feel like you're putting a lot of effort into the relationship with very little return
• eventually they will blame you for the break-up of the relationship

Living with a person like this can drain the life out of you; it's not surprising that they are also known as emotional vampires.

If you happen to be involved with such a person, you may hesitate to end the relationship, because you still have hope that it can work out.

My tip: It is best to end the relationship, when you know you have tried everything, and you can do no more, so you may still have some work to do before you are ready to detach yourself.

What you can try before you let go:

• Set clear boundaries what is and what isn't acceptable. By all means be tolerant of minor issues, but being ignored for days or cheated on as a punishment demands zero tolerance. 
• Communicate your boundaries clearly and don't be afraid to speak out. 
• Stand your ground. If you keep holding back, it is likely out of fear, perhaps from another cutting remark or accusation. You might avoid a nasty argument, but in the long-term that doesn't make you feel better or help your relationship. Facing a confrontation will help you express your feelings and also realise where you stand. It will help you make a decision about the relationship.
• Set a time limit for when you know you need to call it a day. A deadline (pardon the pun ;)) often helps to stay focused rather than drifting in the status quo indefinitely. At least you can take stock and revise it, if you need more time. 
• Practice self-care to stay confident and positive. Nothing can knock your self-esteem and self-worth as much as a toxic relationship. It's so easy to fall into the trap of feeling worthless, ugly, unlovable, demeaned and put down. Avoid binging on food (especially carbs) and succumbing to your depressive mood. Instead, exercise regularly, go for massages, wear nice clothes, and don't forget to seek out the presence of positive people, especially family and friends, who support you.

It's still painful to make that break, but by giving it at least a good try, you are unlikely to look back wondering if you have made a rash decision. Actually, chances are high, you were very patient. Some people are stuck in this kind of relationship for many years.

It may take you several attempts to break out. Perhaps you will be lured back with seeming regret and promises of change only to find that good intentions were only short-lived. You may even experience some happy time for a number of weeks or even months before the Jekyll/Hyde scenario repeats itself.

Keep reminding yourself of the kind of relationship you truly want and deserve, and one day you will no longer be fooled.

Take your time, dearest, until you are ready. Be always kind to yourself while you are trying to get out, even when you feel crappy afterwards thinking what the hell took you so long to leave.

Don't ever blame yourself; all you did was love that person with all your heart, and you wanted it to work out. That is not a weakness.

And it's not entirely the other person's fault either. Make peace quickly; forgive them. They have their reasons why they are the way they are, and they have their own crosses to bear. Avoid lasting resentment and bitterness.

And when you are ready to meet someone new, don't close your heart based on your experience.

Keep your faith that there are many kind and loving people out there, who you can be happy with.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane


Transform your life this year: 

Tarot Readings - Insightful guidance when you need it
Learn Tarot - A magickal, inspirational tool for life
Tarot eBooks - Great value, innovative Tarot study material

Make sure you subscribe to my feed to receive the latest articles straight into your inbox when published.

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