After The Breakup - Is My Ex Happy?

Letting go and moving on
is all in the mind.

If I said no, would that make you happy?

If I said yes, would that hurt you?

This is one of the few questions I refuse to answer as a professional Tarot reader, because I don't feel that answering it would be of any value to you.

Firstly, you are asking about someone else, rather than paying more attention to yourself and your well-being.

Secondly, the answer is limited to yes or no. 

Thirdly, I can feel your pain of your separation from your ex, and by supporting your obsession with him or her by answering this question, I won't help you heal and move on.

I don't want to earn money this way. Instead, I am giving you my answer here, free of charge.

When someone asks me this question, it is unlikely they ask about their ex from the goodness of their heart.

When a relationship breakup still feels raw and painful, all you wish for is for the other to feel the same.

In fact, if you got dumped, or you finally freed yourself from a narcissist, all you can think of is cursing that individual and send all the ill will you can muster up their way.

But there is a more powerful and healing alternative: 

Learn to not give a shit about that person.

Don't care.

Learn to be indifferent.

Ignore them. No contact. Focus entirely on yourself and your recovery and healing.

This is a process, and you need to focus all your determination on this. 

While you are working on your personal growth, enjoying life and prepare yourself for new opportunities, consider my two answers to your question.

Is my ex happy?

1. Yes

He or she may have left you for someone else, so s/he will be elated. They will probably have great sex, and they may even get married and have kids. Happy-ever-after. 

Accept it. Get over it.

Would this answer make you feel any better? Probably not, so why keep torturing yourself?

It is now down to you to follow your own dreams and aspirations, to make the most of your life without forever pining for what you have lost. 

Your future is ahead, and you can choose, if your journey is miserable or fun.

2. No

They are as miserable and depressed as you are. They have had nothing but bad luck since your relationship ended. They now have doubts and wish they could get back together with you. 

Would this kind of answer encourage you to get in touch with them again? 

The last thing you want is a boomerang relationship that will prolong the agony over months, perhaps even years ahead.

Here's what you can do instead:

• When it's over, accept it's over.
• Rather than following your emotions, explore why your relationship didn't work out. There are some good reasons for it. Don't ignore them, and learn your lessons, so you won't make the same mistake again.
• Engage into some serious self-care. Book yourself on a course, do yoga classes, re-connect with friends, rebuild your life.
• Keep focusing your thoughts on yourself, and be committed to your well-being. Avoid any kind of drama, e.g. confrontations, stalking, trying to get answers, closure, etc. Just let go.
• Embrace change. Check out my manifest change healing cards that can help you create the change you want and need.
• Get creative - read, write, paint, craft. Get together with like-minded souls to learn and experience new skills.
• Always remember the bad times you had with your ex, which were a reason you split up. 
• Don't initiate any contact with your ex, and try not to fall for their soppy messages of remorse. Your mind is telling you that it's all a load of b**locks. Heed its advice and stay strong.

Most of all, don't obsess over your ex. Don't torture yourself with painful questions about their whereabouts or happiness. It's no longer your concern. 

You are the most important person in your life right now, together with family and friends, who are close and support you.

Trust that you will feel better soon, and you can heal and rebuild your life. 

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

When Your Relationship Needs A Boost

Tarot of Quotes

"A relationship is a three-part journey: First there's infatuation. Then there's conflict – the part where most people jump ship. The third part is becoming an active participant in your partner's feelings, and that's the method to the madness."
- Alanis Morissette

This is one of my favourite quotes about how relationships work, and it is true that many people go their separate ways during the conflict phase.

Conflict doesn't necessarily mean heated arguments and slamming doors. Quite the opposite.

It is usually smouldering resentment towards the other's annoying habits and personality traits that drives couples apart.

Things are no longer the same as they were during the honeymoon period.

Complacency sets in. Masks begin to crumble.

Less quality time spent together due to work and other commitments. Your partner's irritability and lack of cooking skills annoys you. Less romance, less fun...perhaps no romance or fun at all...

Now is a good time to take stock and make amends.

The honeymoon period always ends, but there is much that can be done to keep the spark alive and move onwards to stage three. 

Although you are aware of the obvious reasons why you are not as happy together as you used to be, you can explore what is going on in your relationship on a deeper, unconscious level. 

Here is a five-card spread you can try:

1. What is the underlying current energy of the relationship?

2. What needs to be addressed?

3. What is going well?

4. What is being neglected?

5. What will improve the relationship?

I have used the Cosmic Journaling Oracle for the sample reading:

Cosmic Journaling Oracle

1. Journey

There is a sense of longevity and unfulfilled potential. Look back and see how far you have come. 

Have you been on an eventful journey together? Did you have to deal with external challenges that put you both under stress?

You may now realise that you have encountered some bumps and steep hills along the road, and now it is time to focus more on enjoyable and exciting adventures that are still to come. 

Make some plans and make it happen.

2. Intention

This card suggests making plans, having a goal or simply paying more attention to each other's needs. 

Intention also means focus, making a conscious choice and seeing it through. 

However, it can also mean that intentions haven't been kept.

Perhaps a holiday was cancelled or you didn't go for that romantic meal after all. Even worse, your other half has started smoking again... 

Look at what you intended to do and why it didn't happen. Is there a pattern that needs to be broken? Talk about it.

3. Sensitivity

Sensitivity as a strength in a relationship offers the gift of empathy and mutual understanding. 

There is a keen awareness of how the other is feeling, but it is also important to open up and express your own feelings.

Sensitivity in this position may also suggest that your senses are not letting you down. 

Trust them, especially when you 'sense' that something isn't quite right and needs to be addressed.

Sensitivity may also remind you to choose your words and actions wisely and carefully in order to avoid unnecessary drama including hurt, anger and defensiveness.

4. Renewal

When renewal is being neglected, it suggests resistance to making changes, perhaps even denying responsibility. 

There are obstacles preventing you from moving forward, which may include challenging behavioural traits or external challenges like work or family commitments.

How can you encourage renewal in your relationship, so it can evolve? An additional question to ask the oracle!

5. Trust

If trust is an issue in your relationship, you will need to address it in order to make positive changes. 

You need to explore if your trust issues are justified or based on past experience or irrational worries.

This can also be an issue for your partner, who may not yet feel secure in your relationship.

The best way to build trust is by being totally reliable, open and honest. When you begin to realise that you can count on the other no matter what, this will be a huge step for you in the right direction.

Think about how you can improve mutual trust in your relationship. If you need some inspiration, pull another card.

I hope you will find this spread helpful, either for yourself or a person you are reading for. 

Please do let me know, how it's worked for you💚

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

How Does He Feel About Me?

Over the years I have tackled all sorts of questions as a tarot reader, and I don't rephrase any of them.

How does he feel about me? is one of those that keeps coming up.

This question is asked for a number of reasons, including:

1. You've just met someone and wonder, if they like you as much as you like them.

2. A relationship has ended, and you're wondering, if they still have feelings for you that may get you back together.

3. You are dating someone, but keep getting mixed messages about their intention.

If you decide to ask me for a reading to get clarity on any of the above, then I must confess:

I cannot tell for sure, because tuning into someone's feelings without their permission rarely offers a clear and correct answer.

You see, when I do a reading for you, then the cards drawn are about you and how you are connected to others, not the other way round.

Speculating about other people's feelings isn't helping, if you are ignoring yourself. When you focus on other people's feelings, you are handing over your power to them. Don't do this to yourself.

Instead, I'd like to encourage you to consider the possible answers to your question from your perspective:

1. If you're wondering, whether someone is interested in you, then it's always best to look out for the signs. 

It often takes a little time and patience, even courage, when you have to make the first move, but it's worth it. 

One way or the other you will gain clarity, and you'll learn an important life skill, namely to read people based on their (non-)actions and (lack of) communication.

2. The ending of a relationship is painful, but this isn't the right time to wonder about their feelings. What about yours? 

Accept that it's over for now and work on moving on, rather than looking back. Acceptance of the breakup also helps you put closure on it, if this is something you are seeking with a reading.

3. If someone goes hot and cold on you, then chances are, they might not be that in to you. 

Perhaps they have commitment issues or other complex stuff going on in their life, but that's not for you to waste your precious time thinking about. 

If their intention is vague and it drives you nuts, don't care about what they feel, care about yourself and let go.

You need to be aware that reading about other people's thoughts, actions and feelings without their knowledge or permission is just speculation, and the cards drawn will mostly reflect your energies, not theirs.

But if you still want to ask how does he feel about me? Why not learn to read the Tarot for yourself? 

A simple one-card reading will often suffice to offer you some insight and an empowering message to help you move forward.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

What Makes A Happy Relationship? 10 Signs You're On The Right Track

Cupid's arrow doesn't always strike on your first date,
but there are signs that indicate promising potential

“I think perhaps love comes from finding someone you feel utterly comfortable with, someone who makes you comfortable with yourself. It's like...finding yourself, or maybe it's like finding the other part of yourself.”
Candice Proctor, Whispers of Heaven

In a world of internet dating and virtual matchmaking, finding new love that lasts can be quite an eventful journey ranging from fun to traumatic.

Especially when you find yourself single after a long-term relationship has come to an end, figuring out if a potential match is worth pursuing can be confusing.

First of all, remember that sexual attraction doesn't necessarily mean you are compatible. When passion fizzles out, there may not be much else left. Get to know each other first, unless a casual fling is all you want.

On the other hand, don't expect love at first sight when you meet someone. If you get on really well together, but haven't been blown off your feet, then don't give up just yet. Meet up for a few more social activities and see where it takes you.

This is the kind of date where often confusion sets in; you're expecting a surge of passion hitting you as soon as you see the person, but instead you have to get used to the fact that their 3D appearance is somewhat different to the photo you've seen of them before.

But fear not!

Here are some signs that help you focus and indicate you may be on to a winner:

1. Conversation flows naturally, and you feel at ease with each other.

2. You don't experience awkward silences, and if you do on your first date, it's only because you're nervous. That's normal. However, that nervousness gets quickly dissolved, because you both sense how you can make the other feel more relaxed.

3. You keep in touch regularly via text, phone or email at a level you both feel comfortable with. You don't need to wonder, when the other will be in touch again, and you don't feel like you'd rather not respond and only do so, because you want to be polite.

4. Even if you haven't yet fallen head over heels in love, you actually look forward to seeing the other again soon, and you feel excited about the social activities you have planned together.

Tarot of Silhouettes (c) Steven Bright

5. You are both happy to take things slowly and want to get to know each other first before you commit to anything further. There is no pressure.

6. You feel safe and relaxed in the other's presence. You can be yourself, and you feel you don't need to pretend.

7. You both find it easy to talk about the kind of relationship you want. You are honest about your aspirations rather than telling the other what you think they'd want to hear.

8. You both share similar beliefs and values, and you enjoy healthy debates on topics you don't agree on.

9. You don't judge the other by their likes of music, books or hobbies, unless they are extreme and don't comply with your core values, or you want to live like Siamese twins spending every minute together.

10. You feel a little spark slowly igniting every time you meet the other.

In many cases you know after the first or second meeting, if it's going anywhere or not, but sometimes the future potential of a new date isn't that clear straight away.

In a nutshell, a good relationship unfolds and flows naturally. There is no pressure, game-playing, second-guessing, vague communication, tension or drama. If you experience any of these issues, you need to address them and quickly move on, if there is no improvement.

Of course, you can consult the tarot to explore the possibilities. Better still, add some astrology and see if you are compatible.

But best of all, use your common sense and look out for those signs above to work out, if you both have the potential of a happy future together.

“Whatever he had found, it made him a better person. Maybe that's what love was, finding the person who brings out the best in you and eliminates the worst.”
Diana Holquist, Make Me a Match

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Transform your life this year: 

Tarot Readings - Insightful guidance when you need it 

Learn Tarot - A magickal, inspirational tool for life

Tarot eBooks - Great value, innovative Tarot study material

Make sure you subscribe to my feed to receive the latest articles straight into your inbox when published.

You can also connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumbr and Instagram.

Will He Come Back To Me?

Don't hang about when he's gone,
you've got better things to do.
Housewives Tarot
(c) Paul Kepple & Jude Buffum

Okay, girlfriend, so he dumped you, and you're devastated. You're in a bit of a shock and wonder, if this has really happened.

Surely, he must still love you and soon will regret his silly action of just walking out on you.

Surely, he will change his mind and come creeping back begging for forgiveness.

Let me tell you this, girlfriend:

In your dreams!

You really must be cruel to be kind to yourself and answer this question with a cutting but ultimately liberating

NO

He's gone.

Gone forever, and he won't return. Ever.

No need to ask for a Tarot reading to answer this question.


Today is the first day of the rest of your life without him.

Accept that, girlfriend, and soon you'll realise it's for the best.

And please, don't beg him to stay or come back. That's so unattractive and won't do your self-worth any good. You'd be better off eating a tub of ice-cream.

Why on earth would you want someone back, who hurt you this much anyway?

Yes, of course, I know: you still love him (or perhaps just the idea of him?).

And it's so hard to let go of that love. So hard to face and embrace that pain of loss. It takes inner strength, perseverance, tears, some good friends and lots of self-care to do that.

Won't happen quickly, but believe me, girlfriend: you can do it!

That's what you need to focus on rather than wondering, if he'll come back to you. Otherwise, time will stand still for you. You will put your life on hold whilst waiting and hoping he'll be back one day.

Face it now: he's gone.

Detaching yourself emotionally is the best you can do right now to avoid weeks and months of misery.

But what, if the answer was YES?

Would that make you feel happy and you'd gladly wait for him to return? Would you really want him back as if nothing had happened? Think about this for a moment...

Yes, on rare occasions they do come back, but often for reasons other than unconditional love for you. He may come back because:

• he is insecure
• has low self-esteem
• he needs you to make him feel good about himself
• another relationship didn't work out
• he'd rather be with anyone than being alone, and he knows you still want him
• unresolved emotional issues
• he just wants to be friends (often with benefits)
• he doesn't really know what he wants (and may soon be off again)

And on the even rarer occasion, he will have realised he's made a terrible mistake and will want to return for good.

Yes, sometimes this happens.

Yes, sometimes there are happy reunions and not-so-happy reunions.

But will this warmed-up relationship be blessed with happy-ever-after or cursed with lingering tension and trust issues?

So, if he does turn up on your doorstep again, here are some really interesting questions you could ask the Tarot:

1. What is in it for me?
2. What will I gain?
3. What will I lose?
4. How will taking him back affect my life?
5. How will rejecting him affect my life?

And of course, don't forget to communicate directly and ask him straight, why the hell he's come back, and what are his lame excuses for leaving you in the first place, and what has changed his mind.

Evaluate his answers carefully. You can even use the Tarot to validate them and explore his true intentions.

And before you rush in determined to make the same mistake twice, give it time. Re-connect as friends only. See, if what he said and promised to win you over he is putting into action.

Once broken, trust is hard to rebuild. A walk-out always causes damage to a relationship even with the best intentions to repair it when reunited. It doesn't always work. You need to be aware of that.

To summarise, will he come back to you?

No.

Don't hang on to false hope putting your life on hold. Focus on getting over it and on with your life. So many new opportunities for you out there in good time.

But if he does want to come back, do get in touch, and we can explore your options together.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Transform your life this year:

Learn Tarot - A magickal, inspirational tool for life
Tarot eBooks - Great value, innovative Tarot study and creative journaling material

Make sure you subscribe to my feed to receive the latest articles straight into your inbox when published.

You can also connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram

Why Did He Leave Me?

Valentine, Schmalentine.... today isn't a good day, if you've been dumped recently, left a volatile relationship for the sake of preserving your sanity, or you're just sad and lonely, because you haven't found "The One" yet.

Fret not! You're not the only one, and tomorrow you can buy yourself a nice pack of Valentine chocolates at less than half price! Yay!

If you've recently been dumped, you might be asking why, especially when the relationship seemed to be going well.

Getting dumped out of the blue without any clear indication beforehand (you might have missed the warning signs in your romantic loved-up stupor though ;)) and little explanation, you might be looking for answers elsewhere.

Yes, the Tarot can offer you some closure, if the heartbreaker doesn't. Use the Majors only to get an idea, why you were abandoned by the one you love. Shuffle the cards and pick one:

The Fool: This person wanted to have a new adventure.

The Magician: This person was a player and enjoyed the chase.

The High Priestess: This person had secrets and didn't want to be found out.

The Empress: This person thought you were too good for him.

The Emperor: This person felt uncomfortable with your independence. They needed someone to control, and you weren't the right match.

The Hierophant: This person couldn't cope with your liberal and free-spirited lifestyle. Perhaps unlike you, they may also wanted marriage and children.

The Lovers: This person met someone else. It was a tough choice, but you lost out.

The Chariot: This person finds it hard to commit for various reasons. Could also be searching for the perfect love, and you, I'm afraid, are not the one.

Strength: This person left because of inner demons and hang-ups they're constantly fighting.

The Hermit: This person just wants to be alone.

The Wheel of Fortune: Wrong place, bad timing. Changing circumstances and insecurities. No stability.

Justice: This person found it hard to make personal adjustments in the relationship. Also, there may have been legal issues.

The Hanged Man: This person needs to go away and think things through, but is unlikely to come back. May also have thought that the relationship wasn't going anywhere.

Death: This person just doesn't love you any more. Dead as a Dodo.

Temperance: This person found it hard to compromise and balance their needs with yours.

The Devil: This person may have felt trapped or stifled in the relationship. It wasn't healthy for them.

The Tower: Hot temper, a short fuse - this person just left on a whim, perhaps with the intention to hurt you. Beware - may come back and apologise, and is likely to do it again in the future.

The Star: This person has outgrown the relationship on a spiritual level.

The Moon: This person is ruled by insecurities, irrational fears and perhaps even paranoia. They wanted to leave, before they get hurt.

The Sun: This person wasn't happy with you for purely selfish reasons.

Judgement: This person just focused on the negative in your relationship whilst not recognising what was going well. They want perfection, which they are unlikely to find. Ever.

The World: Being in a committed relationship just isn't for this person. They love to be free and single without restrictions.

The answers only give an indication and could also relate to you rather than the person who left you. Explore the interpretation of the card you have drawn and how it fits to your failed relationship.

For more detailed insight and clarification, you can also draw two Minor Arcana cards.

And then, put closure on what's happened, so you can move on to find a new and better love in the future.

Whatever the reason why they left you, good riddance to them.You won't be heartbroken forever!

Lots of love to you,

Christiane

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

When Love is Lost - Tips on How to Recover from a Breakup

Relationships can break down for many reasons. 

Whether it was a brief affair or a long-term commitment, if your heart was in it and you expected it to last, you are likely to feel emotional pain and an overwhelming sense of loss. 

This can pull you into a state of depression unless you have the determination and willpower to heal from the experience and move on.

As a Tarot reader I often get asked questions like "Will he come back to me?" and "Will he get in touch again?" 

The answer is most often *no", sometimes "perhaps", and even if it was "yes", what are you going to do in the meantime?

Waiting? 

Putting your life on hold? 

Being miserable? 

Counting the days?  

Turn into Miss Haversham?

Or would you rather get on with your life without the cretin, who broke your heart, embark on a new exciting adventure and find new love along the way?

If you have the urge to ask the above questions, then it may reveal the following about you: the break-up happened recently, you feel hurt and are on a low, and most likely you haven't moved on yet. 

You may even be hopeful to get some good news, positive answers to your questions, but rather than asking questions that hold you back in the past, here are some more empowering ways to help you overcome your heartache and get back on track towards new and positive opportunities ahead:

1. Accept it's over. 

He won't call, and he won't be coming back again (and if in the unlikely event he did, then that would be an interesting surprise!). 

Acceptance creates clarity, and you regain power over the situation, rather than letting him control you with the decision he's made. Yes, the ending is a blow, you miss him, but the world is still spinning, which is good news after all.

2. Try not to remember the good times you shared; this can be deceptive, and it can hold you back in the past. 

After all, your relationship broke down for a reason, and that reason (or even more than one) wasn't the lovely times you shared and the fun you had together. Instead, let your logic work out what went wrong. 

Remind yourself of the bad times and quarrels you had. After a while you will realise the ending was for the best, and it makes sense.

3. You need to focus on a positive future ahead. 

Every minute of the day you need to remind yourself that you will be happy again, and that new love will enter your life again in good time. 

Do something every day, that cheers you up and makes you feel good.

4. Avoid succumbing to negative thoughts and self-pity. 

If you find yourself regressing into depressive thoughts and memories of your lost relationship, stop there and then and ask yourself to postpone thinking about it until a more convenient time later in the day. 

Set a specific time, and keep those moments short, perhaps 5 - 10 minutes at the most.This is a tried and tested psychological tool; you don't ignore your issues, but at the same time you restrict the amount of negative thinking. 

Gradually those moments will get shorter and become less frequent, and you will start feeling better.

5. Learn to read Tarot cards! This is a magical opportunity to heal yourself through your grieving process with the help of the Tarot. 

Self-development and spiritual growth at times of adversity are the greatest gifts you can give yourself and will always be an enlightening legacy borne out of a negative experience.

There is no need to spend lengthy time of study to get almost immediate results; simply start using the cards by pulling a card every day to answer the following question: What can I do today to help me heal and move on?

If you feel you want to invest more time into your Tarot studies, then you can also opt for a guidebook or self-study beginner's course. 

If you are going through a rough emotional time, you will discover that the Tarot can be a great self-help, therapeutic and healing tool, offering insightful and empowering messages at emotionally difficult times. 

Learning the Tarot may very well help you to start feeling better and get back on track.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Please check out this wonderful video about how to get over "being dumped"; if you are in this position at the moment, you will find it helpful:

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

Discover your Tarot Love Match

The updated version of this blog post can now be found at

https://cosmictarotwellness.blogspot.com/2018/03/discover-your-tarot-love-match.html

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

That Old Devil called Love

BEFORE ----------------------------------- AFTER 

So, you are in love and want to get married. Great! Now you want to know, if it will last...

Well, that of course is up to you and your other half, but the Tarot does give you an indication of what is likely to happen to a long-term relationship.

The somewhat cynical message from the Tarot can be seen here in the form of The Lovers and The Devil, where the playful Gemini twins morph into inhibited Capricorn.

The Lovers depict Adam and Eve in Paradise overlooked by archangel Raphael. It's a bright, sunny and optimistic card. Choices to be made, but the potential and outlook seem rosy and happy.

Fast forward a few months or years, or any timescale that has led to a change in the relationship. 

The Devil depicts a couple in chains. The background is all black, and it is the demonic figure of Baphomet, who has taken over from angelic Raphael. 

A grim but archetypal outlook for a couple in love, their destiny foretold by the wisdom of Tarot time and time again. 

Also note the numerical connection of the two cards: The Devil is number 15 in the Major Arcana sequence; 1 + 5 = 6, the number of the Lovers.

Yes, long-term relationships have the tendency to go stale and boring. 

The Devil suggests that in relationships many people become complacent and take the other for granted. Over time, couples even become dependent on each other, used to each other and lack the energy to get out of the tedious rut. 

Instead, there is a tendency to find pleasure in activities outside their marriage.

The Devil card in a love reading may not be such a good thing, but thankfully with Tarot this card can be a wake-up call to make some positive changes, to bring the spark back into a relationship. 

As long as there is love, there is hope for good intentions and perseverance to succeed.

Do you believe Tarot accurately reflects the journey of long-term relationships? What are your thoughts on the connection between The Lovers and The Devil cards, given their similar imagery?

Would love to hear from you!

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness