After The Breakup - Is My Ex Happy?

Letting go and moving on
is all in the mind.

If I said no, would that make you happy?

If I said yes, would that hurt you?

This is one of the few questions I refuse to answer as a professional Tarot reader, because I don't feel that answering it would be of any value to you.

Firstly, you are asking about someone else, rather than paying more attention to yourself and your well-being.

Secondly, the answer is limited to yes or no. 

Thirdly, I can feel your pain of your separation from your ex, and by supporting your obsession with him or her by answering this question, I won't help you heal and move on.

I don't want to earn money this way. Instead, I am giving you my answer here, free of charge.

When someone asks me this question, it is unlikely they ask about their ex from the goodness of their heart.

When a relationship breakup still feels raw and painful, all you wish for is for the other to feel the same.

In fact, if you got dumped, or you finally freed yourself from a narcissist, all you can think of is cursing that individual and send all the ill will you can muster up their way.

But there is a more powerful and healing alternative: 

Learn to not give a shit about that person.

Don't care.

Learn to be indifferent.

Ignore them. No contact. Focus entirely on yourself and your recovery and healing.

This is a process, and you need to focus all your determination on this. 

While you are working on your personal growth, enjoying life and prepare yourself for new opportunities, consider my two answers to your question.

Is my ex happy?

1. Yes

He or she may have left you for someone else, so s/he will be elated. They will probably have great sex, and they may even get married and have kids. Happy-ever-after. 

Accept it. Get over it.

Would this answer make you feel any better? Probably not, so why keep torturing yourself?

It is now down to you to follow your own dreams and aspirations, to make the most of your life without forever pining for what you have lost. 

Your future is ahead, and you can choose, if your journey is miserable or fun.

2. No

They are as miserable and depressed as you are. They have had nothing but bad luck since your relationship ended. They now have doubts and wish they could get back together with you. 

Would this kind of answer encourage you to get in touch with them again? 

The last thing you want is a boomerang relationship that will prolong the agony over months, perhaps even years ahead.

Here's what you can do instead:

• When it's over, accept it's over.
• Rather than following your emotions, explore why your relationship didn't work out. There are some good reasons for it. Don't ignore them, and learn your lessons, so you won't make the same mistake again.
• Engage into some serious self-care. Book yourself on a course, do yoga classes, re-connect with friends, rebuild your life.
• Keep focusing your thoughts on yourself, and be committed to your well-being. Avoid any kind of drama, e.g. confrontations, stalking, trying to get answers, closure, etc. Just let go.
• Embrace change. Check out my manifest change healing cards that can help you create the change you want and need.
• Get creative - read, write, paint, craft. Get together with like-minded souls to learn and experience new skills.
• Always remember the bad times you had with your ex, which were a reason you split up. 
• Don't initiate any contact with your ex, and try not to fall for their soppy messages of remorse. Your mind is telling you that it's all a load of b**locks. Heed its advice and stay strong.

Most of all, don't obsess over your ex. Don't torture yourself with painful questions about their whereabouts or happiness. It's no longer your concern. 

You are the most important person in your life right now, together with family and friends, who are close and support you.

Trust that you will feel better soon, and you can heal and rebuild your life. 

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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5 Reasons Why Your Relationships Don't Last

“Like some wines, our love could neither mature nor travel.”
Graham Greene, The Comedians

Picture this scenario:

Girl meets boy.
Girl and boy start dating.
Girl and boy getting on well.
Girl and boy getting close.
Girl and boy having fun.
Boy leaving girl.
Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Girl starts asking herself: " What the f*ck am I doing wrong?

Girl then asks me for a Tarot reading: "When will I meet my soul mate / the one / my twin flame / etc." (What the f*ck am I doing wrong would be the more empowering question)

(Feel free to amend above scenario by replacing boy with girl or girl with boy according to your sexual orientation. Flip girl/boy if you're a broken-hearted boy.)

If you can relate to this kind of cycle of repetitive unfortunate events, here are some possible reasons, why you haven't found your happy-ever-after love yet:

1. You have an intense need for love and affection. Emphasis is on 'intense'. Feelings of loneliness are amplified, and until you finally stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right, you will need to accept the situation, stop feeling pity for yourself and focus your energies on other activities you enjoy. And a good set of friends can give you a great deal of love and emotional support.
2. You have low self-esteem. You don't feel complete without a loving companion by your side. You are longing for someone, who validates you. Someone you can travel with etc. But you need to learn that you are enough, whole and complete. You can travel on your own and end up having a better time than with some transient lover cooped up in a hotel bedroom all weekend.
3. You have an inability to set boundaries. In the early stages of a relationship, before you get intimate, you need to be clear about what kind of relationship you both want, right down to the nitty-gritty details of sexual preferences. Sounds clinical perhaps talking about it, but trust me, it will save you from making some stupid mistakes. Bonus tip: Never assume anything.
4. You have difficulty expressing anger. Probably because you're just too nice and accommodating. You don't want to make a fuss, or seem to be 'highly strung'. You may also tend to blame yourself for being too sensitive. But by not expressing yourself, you are only lowering your standards and become a pushover. 
5. You ignore the warning signs that it won't last. Loverboy or girl no longer in touch as often as at the beginning? Still haven't introduced you to their parents / kids / friends yet after three months? Spending more time socialising without you? There are so many different signs you need to look out for. Tolerance may be your weakness here, and unless you put your foot down (see 3. and 4.) and end it on your terms, you will instead leave it in their power to treat you as they please. 

The question is now, how you can break the cycle and overcome your negative behavioural pattern, so you stop floating from one breakup to the next?

Why not ask the Tarot?

Shuffle your deck and pull a card for each question:

• Which negative behavioural pattern do I need to change? (relates to any of the five above, but the card may offer a more specific answer)
• What positive action can I take right now to shift my behaviour? 
• What do I need to avoid?

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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Will He Come Back To Me?

Don't hang about when he's gone,
you've got better things to do.
Housewives Tarot
(c) Paul Kepple & Jude Buffum

Okay, girlfriend, so he dumped you, and you're devastated. You're in a bit of a shock and wonder, if this has really happened.

Surely, he must still love you and soon will regret his silly action of just walking out on you.

Surely, he will change his mind and come creeping back begging for forgiveness.

Let me tell you this, girlfriend:

In your dreams!

You really must be cruel to be kind to yourself and answer this question with a cutting but ultimately liberating

NO

He's gone.

Gone forever, and he won't return. Ever.

No need to ask for a Tarot reading to answer this question.


Today is the first day of the rest of your life without him.

Accept that, girlfriend, and soon you'll realise it's for the best.

And please, don't beg him to stay or come back. That's so unattractive and won't do your self-worth any good. You'd be better off eating a tub of ice-cream.

Why on earth would you want someone back, who hurt you this much anyway?

Yes, of course, I know: you still love him (or perhaps just the idea of him?).

And it's so hard to let go of that love. So hard to face and embrace that pain of loss. It takes inner strength, perseverance, tears, some good friends and lots of self-care to do that.

Won't happen quickly, but believe me, girlfriend: you can do it!

That's what you need to focus on rather than wondering, if he'll come back to you. Otherwise, time will stand still for you. You will put your life on hold whilst waiting and hoping he'll be back one day.

Face it now: he's gone.

Detaching yourself emotionally is the best you can do right now to avoid weeks and months of misery.

But what, if the answer was YES?

Would that make you feel happy and you'd gladly wait for him to return? Would you really want him back as if nothing had happened? Think about this for a moment...

Yes, on rare occasions they do come back, but often for reasons other than unconditional love for you. He may come back because:

• he is insecure
• has low self-esteem
• he needs you to make him feel good about himself
• another relationship didn't work out
• he'd rather be with anyone than being alone, and he knows you still want him
• unresolved emotional issues
• he just wants to be friends (often with benefits)
• he doesn't really know what he wants (and may soon be off again)

And on the even rarer occasion, he will have realised he's made a terrible mistake and will want to return for good.

Yes, sometimes this happens.

Yes, sometimes there are happy reunions and not-so-happy reunions.

But will this warmed-up relationship be blessed with happy-ever-after or cursed with lingering tension and trust issues?

So, if he does turn up on your doorstep again, here are some really interesting questions you could ask the Tarot:

1. What is in it for me?
2. What will I gain?
3. What will I lose?
4. How will taking him back affect my life?
5. How will rejecting him affect my life?

And of course, don't forget to communicate directly and ask him straight, why the hell he's come back, and what are his lame excuses for leaving you in the first place, and what has changed his mind.

Evaluate his answers carefully. You can even use the Tarot to validate them and explore his true intentions.

And before you rush in determined to make the same mistake twice, give it time. Re-connect as friends only. See, if what he said and promised to win you over he is putting into action.

Once broken, trust is hard to rebuild. A walk-out always causes damage to a relationship even with the best intentions to repair it when reunited. It doesn't always work. You need to be aware of that.

To summarise, will he come back to you?

No.

Don't hang on to false hope putting your life on hold. Focus on getting over it and on with your life. So many new opportunities for you out there in good time.

But if he does want to come back, do get in touch, and we can explore your options together.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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Never Be Mine

Tarot of Quotes

It’s been a while,
But sometimes I still wonder why
You left from one minute to the next,
When everything seemed fine.

Pursuing me for weeks,
Taking it slowly yet one step closer each time,
You made all the moves and finally won me over,
And I was so happy you were mine.

Or so I thought, silly me.
All your affections, were they just deceptions?
Perhaps you were just curious, enjoyed the chase,
A game to raise your confidence, and I lost the race.

You enjoyed the novelty at first,
Overwhelming me with kindness and attention,
Yet you lost interest whilst still pretending
Not saying a word, feeding your apprehension.

Then it was over, just like that, vague reasons and assumptions,
I didn’t have a chance for another glance.
A self-proclaimed "solitary social toe dipper"
You dipped your toe into my heart, ripping it apart.

Little did you know that once I let someone get close,
I fully commit to the relationship with love and devotion
Not just for six weeks, and not just to dip my toes,
But for the long haul, guided by trust, faith and my emotions.

I’m not cut out to be sampled and played with until I no longer suffice,
For someone to roll the dice, and I have to pay the price.
You ended it with tears and the guise of a caring heart, emotional felony,
You shouldn’t have done that to me.

And here I am, still thinking of you and grieving, but slowly moving on,

Rebuilding my trust and having faith that I won’t fall again for a con.
All the things you gave me put away, tainted memories kept out of sight.
Telling myself you were wrong all along, I choose to embrace new love, magic and light.

And in the meantime I have to accept the irrevocable end, the end of the line,
And the wheel keeps turning,
My heart burning,
Coming to terms with the fact you will never be mine.

Christiane

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Why Did He Leave Me?

Valentine, Schmalentine.... today isn't a good day, if you've been dumped recently, left a volatile relationship for the sake of preserving your sanity, or you're just sad and lonely, because you haven't found "The One" yet.

Fret not! You're not the only one, and tomorrow you can buy yourself a nice pack of Valentine chocolates at less than half price! Yay!

If you've recently been dumped, you might be asking why, especially when the relationship seemed to be going well.

Getting dumped out of the blue without any clear indication beforehand (you might have missed the warning signs in your romantic loved-up stupor though ;)) and little explanation, you might be looking for answers elsewhere.

Yes, the Tarot can offer you some closure, if the heartbreaker doesn't. Use the Majors only to get an idea, why you were abandoned by the one you love. Shuffle the cards and pick one:

The Fool: This person wanted to have a new adventure.

The Magician: This person was a player and enjoyed the chase.

The High Priestess: This person had secrets and didn't want to be found out.

The Empress: This person thought you were too good for him.

The Emperor: This person felt uncomfortable with your independence. They needed someone to control, and you weren't the right match.

The Hierophant: This person couldn't cope with your liberal and free-spirited lifestyle. Perhaps unlike you, they may also wanted marriage and children.

The Lovers: This person met someone else. It was a tough choice, but you lost out.

The Chariot: This person finds it hard to commit for various reasons. Could also be searching for the perfect love, and you, I'm afraid, are not the one.

Strength: This person left because of inner demons and hang-ups they're constantly fighting.

The Hermit: This person just wants to be alone.

The Wheel of Fortune: Wrong place, bad timing. Changing circumstances and insecurities. No stability.

Justice: This person found it hard to make personal adjustments in the relationship. Also, there may have been legal issues.

The Hanged Man: This person needs to go away and think things through, but is unlikely to come back. May also have thought that the relationship wasn't going anywhere.

Death: This person just doesn't love you any more. Dead as a Dodo.

Temperance: This person found it hard to compromise and balance their needs with yours.

The Devil: This person may have felt trapped or stifled in the relationship. It wasn't healthy for them.

The Tower: Hot temper, a short fuse - this person just left on a whim, perhaps with the intention to hurt you. Beware - may come back and apologise, and is likely to do it again in the future.

The Star: This person has outgrown the relationship on a spiritual level.

The Moon: This person is ruled by insecurities, irrational fears and perhaps even paranoia. They wanted to leave, before they get hurt.

The Sun: This person wasn't happy with you for purely selfish reasons.

Judgement: This person just focused on the negative in your relationship whilst not recognising what was going well. They want perfection, which they are unlikely to find. Ever.

The World: Being in a committed relationship just isn't for this person. They love to be free and single without restrictions.

The answers only give an indication and could also relate to you rather than the person who left you. Explore the interpretation of the card you have drawn and how it fits to your failed relationship.

For more detailed insight and clarification, you can also draw two Minor Arcana cards.

And then, put closure on what's happened, so you can move on to find a new and better love in the future.

Whatever the reason why they left you, good riddance to them.You won't be heartbroken forever!

Lots of love to you,

Christiane

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Heartbreak And A New Dawn

Three of Swords Haiku:

A heart of stone and

a heart of glass colliding,

sparkling chards scattered.

“I took a chance, I took a shot
And you may think I’m bullet-proof, 
but I’m not. 

You took a swing, I took it hard. 

And down here from the ground 
I see who you are.”

Taylor Swift

Heartbreak is one of the worst emotions anyone can go through. Its intensity can range from mild disappointment to almost unbearable grief.

I recently read somewhere that you grieve as much as you love, and when you find yourself in the position of having to recover from the loss of deep love, grief can be all consuming for a long time.

But let's face it: there are things in life that will break you. There is no protection from that.

Even self-imposed solitude to avoid getting hurt again will break you with its yearning.

The trick is to pick yourself up and live an awesomely beautiful life despite what fate throws at you.

And the truth is, you have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on this planet. 

You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be vulnerable. You are here to be open and surrender to love. You are here to be swallowed up. 

"And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” 

Louise Erdrich, from The Painted Drum LP

Tarot of Quotes

At first it can be a challenge to try see past the initial pain to the possibility of finding a better and stronger love in your future.

But life quite simply goes on. You learn that detaching yourself from what once was is the best therapy to heal your heart.

"If you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots

Remember
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land.”
Pablo Neruda

Keep your heart open to love. Be love. Let it flow. Spread your wings and embrace the world. 

Deep down you know that after darkness, there is always a new dawn rising.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane



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Tarot Haiku: Five of Cups

"Let's be friends", you said.

Part of me is still useful,

The rest discarded.

How to write your own Tarot Haiku:

Haiku is a form of Japanese poetry consisting of exactly 17 syllables.
Syllables are arranged in three lines of 5-7-5

Pick a card. Describe what you see, express your emotions, capture a moment of beauty, a glimpse of nature and the seasons, or a poignant experience.

Explore your cards in a new way. Enjoy!

Warmest wishes,

Christiane 🦄


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When Love is Lost - Tips on How to Recover from a Breakup

Relationships can break down for many reasons. 

Whether it was a brief affair or a long-term commitment, if your heart was in it and you expected it to last, you are likely to feel emotional pain and an overwhelming sense of loss. 

This can pull you into a state of depression unless you have the determination and willpower to heal from the experience and move on.

As a Tarot reader I often get asked questions like "Will he come back to me?" and "Will he get in touch again?" 

The answer is most often *no", sometimes "perhaps", and even if it was "yes", what are you going to do in the meantime?

Waiting? 

Putting your life on hold? 

Being miserable? 

Counting the days?  

Turn into Miss Haversham?

Or would you rather get on with your life without the cretin, who broke your heart, embark on a new exciting adventure and find new love along the way?

If you have the urge to ask the above questions, then it may reveal the following about you: the break-up happened recently, you feel hurt and are on a low, and most likely you haven't moved on yet. 

You may even be hopeful to get some good news, positive answers to your questions, but rather than asking questions that hold you back in the past, here are some more empowering ways to help you overcome your heartache and get back on track towards new and positive opportunities ahead:

1. Accept it's over. 

He won't call, and he won't be coming back again (and if in the unlikely event he did, then that would be an interesting surprise!). 

Acceptance creates clarity, and you regain power over the situation, rather than letting him control you with the decision he's made. Yes, the ending is a blow, you miss him, but the world is still spinning, which is good news after all.

2. Try not to remember the good times you shared; this can be deceptive, and it can hold you back in the past. 

After all, your relationship broke down for a reason, and that reason (or even more than one) wasn't the lovely times you shared and the fun you had together. Instead, let your logic work out what went wrong. 

Remind yourself of the bad times and quarrels you had. After a while you will realise the ending was for the best, and it makes sense.

3. You need to focus on a positive future ahead. 

Every minute of the day you need to remind yourself that you will be happy again, and that new love will enter your life again in good time. 

Do something every day, that cheers you up and makes you feel good.

4. Avoid succumbing to negative thoughts and self-pity. 

If you find yourself regressing into depressive thoughts and memories of your lost relationship, stop there and then and ask yourself to postpone thinking about it until a more convenient time later in the day. 

Set a specific time, and keep those moments short, perhaps 5 - 10 minutes at the most.This is a tried and tested psychological tool; you don't ignore your issues, but at the same time you restrict the amount of negative thinking. 

Gradually those moments will get shorter and become less frequent, and you will start feeling better.

5. Learn to read Tarot cards! This is a magical opportunity to heal yourself through your grieving process with the help of the Tarot. 

Self-development and spiritual growth at times of adversity are the greatest gifts you can give yourself and will always be an enlightening legacy borne out of a negative experience.

There is no need to spend lengthy time of study to get almost immediate results; simply start using the cards by pulling a card every day to answer the following question: What can I do today to help me heal and move on?

If you feel you want to invest more time into your Tarot studies, then you can also opt for a guidebook or self-study beginner's course. 

If you are going through a rough emotional time, you will discover that the Tarot can be a great self-help, therapeutic and healing tool, offering insightful and empowering messages at emotionally difficult times. 

Learning the Tarot may very well help you to start feeling better and get back on track.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Please check out this wonderful video about how to get over "being dumped"; if you are in this position at the moment, you will find it helpful:

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