The Power of Positive Communication

Cosmic Faery Tarot Deck

Recently I have noticed, how quickly people fall into the trap of negative communication. It all starts with a little whine, but then it doesn't stop. This can happen among family and friends but also on social media.

Constant complaining, whinging, gossiping, expressing anger, frustration, bitterness, resentment, outpouring of problems and dramas.... The Queen of Swords on a bad day that never ends!

Are you one of these people?

I was once in a relationship, in which I became the go-to counsellor and found myself in a position of having to listen virtually non-stop to all the problems he kept having.

That relationship became so draining that I was totally relieved when it ended.

Don't fall into the trap of perpetual negativity when interacting with others.

On an unconscious level, it also drags you down emotionally while you keep talking yourself into a perpetual state of dissatisfaction.

And the longer you keep being stuck in this negative pattern, it becomes a habit that will be hard to shift.

At this stage, your vibrational energy may be so low that people begin to avoid hanging out with you.

A quick and easy way to improve your happiness is to communicate more positively thus raising your vibrations for the benefit of all.

You may have forgotten how to do this, so here are some ideas:

1. What has inspired you recently?
Talk about what has made you feel good, such as a great book, TV show, experience, a person, a trip.... anything that has made you forget about all your woes and crappiness in the world.

2. What are you grateful for today?
Yes, the usual gratitude exercise. It does work.

3. When thinking or talking about a person you dislike (e.g. a co-worker), what are their positive traits?
If you can't say anything positive, then try not say anything at all.

4. What happened recently that was funny?
Even better, if it involves you. Share a joke. Don't take yourself too seriously. Laughter is often the best medicine.

5. How can you help and encourage others to overcome their issues?
Take time to listen and show a genuine interest to be present for others when they need your support.

Shifting towards positive communication doesn't mean you have to ignore all the things that concern you, but don't let them consume you either.

Share your positive thoughts and stories today. Leave a positive comment below😍

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

4 Reasons Why you Are Still Single

Cosmic Journaling Oracle

If you have been single for a while, chances are you wouldn't mind meeting that special someone to love and share your life with.

Unless of course you are totally happy with being single, then you don't need to read any further.

But if you do read on, then you might be wondering, why love seems to persistently elude you.

There can be many reasons, which you may be aware of, but sometimes it can also be down to your unconscious behaviour and state of mind that blocks you from attracting that fulfilling relationship you are dreaming of.

Here are some possibilities:

1. You are bitter and resentful about your past experiences

So many people experience a string of unhappy relationships, and after a while it either makes them start keeping 30 cats, or they become highly cynical about the whole love thang.

Unconsciously they begin to develop a kind of victim mentality, forever going on about how terribly they were hurt, and never wanting to be in that situation again.

If you fit into this category, then I know what you must be going through. I sadly haven't been immune to mistreatment either, but I advise you not to let these people rule the rest of your life in such a negative way.

Slowly you are building an impenetrable wall around you, and the only way you can pull it down again is by accepting what happened, learn from it, forgive those people, and then move on.


2. You are still clinging to your ex

If you are still hoping for your ex to return, then you won't attract anybody remotely suitable for you. That's because unconsciously you are not interested in long-term relationships but short-lived flings to fill the void.

You may also still be grieving for your broken relationship and may make some desperate choices for comfort, which you may later regret.

The best thing to do is accept that your ex is unlikely to come back and release that relationship mentally and emotionally. I know it is hard and it will take a while, but it will help you put closure on the past and open up to new opportunities.


3. You are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect

The basic ingredients for a long-term relationship is mutual attraction, chemistry, trust and respect. It's also important that you share same interests (at least a few) and values. On that foundation you can develop long-term love and commitment.

But do they really have to have a university degree like you? Or have lots of money? Or a job that your parents (or your peers) approve of?

Whatever you are looking for in your next relationship, by all means make a priority list, but don't dismiss someone, only because they don't tick one of the ingredients on your wishlist.

Think carefully about what is most important to you, but don't make that list so long that it will be hard for anyone to fulfil.

Explore, where you could compromise and still make it work. This isn't about "settling" for second best but discovering the hidden gems in a potential relationship and the all-important give and take.


4. You are desperate

It's been so long since your last relationship that you have stopped discerning the wheat from the chaff, and you are looking at every man or woman you meet as a love potential.

This can make you act in strange ways, like getting too close to someone you talk to at a social event, drink too much, offer your phone number etc. without noticing that they are just not interested in you.

And when you do get the chance for another date, then you keep getting in touch with them too often, and basically on an unconscious level you just exude desperation, which sadly is terribly unattractive.

Cool down. Step back. Relax. There is a better way how you can attract love into your life without trying too hard.

That doesn't mean you have to crawl into a shell and stop socialising. Instead, enjoy meeting new people and see them as potential friends rather than anything more. This way you build your social network, and who knows, one of them might be rocking your boat at one point in the future.

Cosmic Journaling Oracle

Always trust the process and know that love will come your way when you least expect it.

Questions you could ask the Tarot:

1. What blocks have I created that hinder me from finding new love?

2. How can I overcome them?

3. What else can I do over the next four weeks to invite new love into my life?

If you love using the Tarot to explore your love issues, then you may enjoy using my Tarot & Spirituality workbook containing some insightful spreads and activities for self-development and personal growth.

For more articles on love and relationship topics, click here.

And if you would like a reading for personal guidance, I am here for you.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane


Transform your life this year: 

Tarot Readings - Insightful guidance when you need it
Learn Tarot - A magickal, inspirational tool for life
Tarot eBooks - Great value, innovative Tarot study material

Make sure you subscribe to my feed to receive the latest articles straight into your inbox when published.

You can also connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumbr and Instagram.

Why You Should Have A Word Of The Year

Cosmic Faery's Journal Workbook

A new year has begun, and resolutions are made and discarded within a matter of weeks.

This is a shame, because so many resolutions are worthwhile, and if they can be kept, will have tremendous benefits, such as boosting confidence, health, self-worth etc.

Turning a resolution into a goal and pursuing it mindfully is the first step towards success, and there are some tricks you can apply that will help you along the way.

First, take some time today to calculate your year card and explore the energies surrounding you over the coming months.

Your year card can offer you ideas on what you should focus on during 2016, perhaps inner qualities that will help you achieve your ultimate goal such as loosing weight, improve your love life or get a new job.

Tarot of Quotes

There is always something hidden that stops us from getting what we want to achieve, and your year card may point you into the right direction towards discovery.

While you treat yourself to this quiet time of reflection, you can choose your personal word for 2016 based on the energies of your year card that will act as your inner guide towards your goal.

Once you know your word, write it down on little notes and put them in places, where you can be reminded of it often.

My personal word of the year is ONWARDS, based on The Chariot, my year card for 2016.

The Chariot is telling me that the year ahead won't be easy, but ONWARDS will remind me to let go and move forward rather than being held back by a 25-year old comfort zone.

I worked out my word of the year by using a journaling sheet I designed for my ebook Cosmic Faery's Journal Workbook.

There are lots of guided journaling prompts in this workbook, which I created to help you ground yourself and become more mindful about your potential and opportunities.

In this exercise, I show you what types of word to choose to make it more potent, and once you have chosen your word of the year, it can act as a powerful prompt to help you put your choices in alignment with your goal when decisions have to be made.

In the workbook, there is also a journaling sheet to help you catch up with your magickal word more regularly, so you keep remembering and apply it when you need it.

And have I mentioned recently how powerful just ten minutes of daily journaling can be? 

Honestly, if you keep thinking that you don't have the time, then please try to shift that mindset and create some little me-time each day to ground yourself, reflect and explore by putting pen to paper. 

You will soon notice how therapeutic it can be.

Happy New Year!

Christiane

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

 

Three Routes To Healing Tarot Spread

While navigating my healing journey, I came across this quote on Tumblr and thought it could be turned into a Tarot spread to cope with and overcome bereavement.

It would also work well for anyone, who has experienced a painful relationship breakup, abuse, bullying or anything, which has caused an emotional wound that needs healing.

Draw one card for each question:

1. How is my pain currently expressing itself? 

It's not just about feeling sad and depressed. A myriad of feelings and emotions can be brought up by bereavement, such as guilt, anger, resentment, even less obvious ones.

2. What lesson does it offer?

What can be learned from it? How can this lesson be taken on board, so step 3 can be carried out?

3. How can I release it?

What can be done to detach from it and let go of it?

Everyone, who is feeling emotional pain, is in a vulnerable position to seek help from the most unusual places.

I know what it's like to desperately wish for the pain to go away, or for it to be magically taken away by someone else.

It's easy to be tempted to visit a "Healer", and I was pondering recently, how some Tarot readers have started to call themselves Healers, and why I cannot join them.

Yes, there are people out there, who can help you heal, but choose wisely and know that you are your own best Healer. It's hard work on your part; you cannot avoid putting in your own effort.

But I do hope that this spread will help you on your way to recovery.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane


PS: You can also try the following activities to help you on your healing journey:

30 Days of Healing

Very simply, pull a card from your favourite Tarot / oracle deck each day to explore "What can I do today that will help me heal?"

Here, you learn to nurture and empower yourself to help you move forward.

30 Days of Gratitude

Just like above, pull a card each day to explore "What can I be grateful for today?"

This is a good exercise to practice positive thinking.

Click on the link below to download a specially designed journaling sheet you can use for both explorations and save it on your device. You will need to print it twice for 30 days of exploration:

Healing/Gratitude Exploration (PDF document)

The sheet is designed in such a way, that you don't need to write a lot each day; a powerful word or phrase is all you need, and it is easier to remember, too. Make it as practical as possible, so it is easy for you to take action.

If you publish the sheet with your writing on social media, please add hashtag #cosmicjournaling. I'd love to see how you get on with it, and your feedback is so very much appreciated.

This journaling sheet and so many more will be included in my new ebook.

On Losing My Parents, Keeping The Faith, Healing and Gratitude

“Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” 

Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

On 7th July my father died. His funeral was two weeks ago, on Thursday, the 16th.

He was 93 years old, frail and wanted to go, because he was sick of his body slowly giving up on him.

With my father gone, I'm now an orphan as my mother died in 2001.

Most of us will have to endure the loss of our parents at one point in our lives. It's a daunting rite of passage borne out of the natural flow of life.

I can feel the gaping hole in my life. Even though I didn't always get on with my parents, I know they always loved me unconditionally.

There is nobody else, who loves me this way.

Unconditional love is a very rare commodity. Friends and lovers come and go, and yes, of course there is love, but it tends to come with strings attached such as compromises and adjustments.

If it doesn't work out, people move on.

But my parents never did, even though I did some crazy things in the past they didn't approve of. I always had their unconditional love and a safe haven to retreat to when my world was crashing apart.

I'd like to think they are still around somehow and watch over me.

But faith for me isn't just about something I wish or believe.

I am having faith in myself, knowing that despite my loss I am grateful and enjoy life.

I know that a new chapter has begun for me, and I keep growing and evolving, and there will always be change that needs to be embraced rather than resisted.

My broken heart will heal, yet a scar will remain, and that scar will teach me more lessons about life, love, compassion, impermanence, letting go and making the most of the time I have on this planet.

My parents will always be part of me. The way they brought me up is reflected in my personality today.

Both were victims of the Second World War, which affected them deeply. No doubt that burden has been passed on to me during my childhood, even though I am carrying a lighter load.

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”
William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Memories are invoked when looking through old photo albums. Pictures of my parents being young and in love, stylish black and white photos from the 50s and early sixties.

I will be sharing a few of them on Instagram, not just because they are about my parents, but they are such fascinating images from a bygone era.

Posting those pics won't be dwelling and being depressing, but it will be joyful and fun.

“Everyone grieves in different ways. For some, it could take longer or shorter. I do know it never disappears. An ember still smolders inside me. Most days, I don’t notice it, but, out of the blue, it’ll flare to life.”
Maria V. Snyder, Storm Glass

I keep thinking about the way I grieve. Am I grieving at all?

Since my return from Germany, after one day of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, I have had the urge to get back to my work and my life. Just as if nothing happened.

Of course I cried.

Firstly, when I saw my father lying on his deathbed in the hospital, knowing that this would be the last time I would ever see him.

I spoke to him and stroked his forehead. When I felt it was time to go, I covered his face with the white sheet the nurse had pulled back earlier.

Secondly, at his funeral surrounded by family and friends, when I had to leave him for good.

There were a few tears in between, but otherwise grief hasn't overcome me. They say that grief comes in waves, and I know that there will be moments in which I will miss him terribly, just like my mother, who died in 2001.

But life is for the living, and I know there is still so much for me to do. All that knowing is the basis of my faith.

Healing and Gratitude 

Perhaps you are going through a similar situation. Bereavement requires healing. There is something you can do to help yourself heal.

30 Days of Healing

Very simply, pull a card from your favourite Tarot / oracle deck each day to explore "What can I do today that will help me heal?"

Here, you learn to nurture and empower yourself to help you move forward.

30 Days of Gratitude

Just like above, pull a card each day to explore "What can I be grateful for today?"

This is a good exercise to practice positive thinking.

I have created a special journaling sheet you can use for both explorations. Click on the link below to download and save it on your device. You will need to print it twice for 30 days of exploration:

Healing/Gratitude Exploration (PDF document)

The sheet is designed in such a way, that you don't need to write a lot each day; a powerful word or phrase is all you need, and it is easier to remember, too. Make it as practical as possible, so it is easy for you to take action.

If you publish the sheet with your writing on social media, please add hashtag #cosmicjournaling. I'd love to see how you get on with it, and your feedback is so very much appreciated.

This journaling sheet and so many more will be included in my new ebook.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Transform your life this year: 

Tarot Readings - Insightful guidance when you need it 

Learn Tarot - A magickal, inspirational tool for life

Tarot eBooks - Great value, innovative Tarot study material

Make sure you subscribe to my feed to receive the latest articles straight into your inbox when published.

You can also connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumbr and Instagram.

5 Reasons Why Your Relationships Don't Last

“Like some wines, our love could neither mature nor travel.”
Graham Greene, The Comedians

Picture this scenario:

Girl meets boy.
Girl and boy start dating.
Girl and boy getting on well.
Girl and boy getting close.
Girl and boy having fun.
Boy leaving girl.
Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Girl starts asking herself: " What the f*ck am I doing wrong?

Girl then asks me for a Tarot reading: "When will I meet my soul mate / the one / my twin flame / etc." (What the f*ck am I doing wrong would be the more empowering question)

(Feel free to amend above scenario by replacing boy with girl or girl with boy according to your sexual orientation. Flip girl/boy if you're a broken-hearted boy.)

If you can relate to this kind of cycle of repetitive unfortunate events, here are some possible reasons, why you haven't found your happy-ever-after love yet:

1. You have an intense need for love and affection. Emphasis is on 'intense'. Feelings of loneliness are amplified, and until you finally stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right, you will need to accept the situation, stop feeling pity for yourself and focus your energies on other activities you enjoy. And a good set of friends can give you a great deal of love and emotional support.
2. You have low self-esteem. You don't feel complete without a loving companion by your side. You are longing for someone, who validates you. Someone you can travel with etc. But you need to learn that you are enough, whole and complete. You can travel on your own and end up having a better time than with some transient lover cooped up in a hotel bedroom all weekend.
3. You have an inability to set boundaries. In the early stages of a relationship, before you get intimate, you need to be clear about what kind of relationship you both want, right down to the nitty-gritty details of sexual preferences. Sounds clinical perhaps talking about it, but trust me, it will save you from making some stupid mistakes. Bonus tip: Never assume anything.
4. You have difficulty expressing anger. Probably because you're just too nice and accommodating. You don't want to make a fuss, or seem to be 'highly strung'. You may also tend to blame yourself for being too sensitive. But by not expressing yourself, you are only lowering your standards and become a pushover. 
5. You ignore the warning signs that it won't last. Loverboy or girl no longer in touch as often as at the beginning? Still haven't introduced you to their parents / kids / friends yet after three months? Spending more time socialising without you? There are so many different signs you need to look out for. Tolerance may be your weakness here, and unless you put your foot down (see 3. and 4.) and end it on your terms, you will instead leave it in their power to treat you as they please. 

The question is now, how you can break the cycle and overcome your negative behavioural pattern, so you stop floating from one breakup to the next?

Why not ask the Tarot?

Shuffle your deck and pull a card for each question:

• Which negative behavioural pattern do I need to change? (relates to any of the five above, but the card may offer a more specific answer)
• What positive action can I take right now to shift my behaviour? 
• What do I need to avoid?

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Transform your life this year: 

Tarot Readings - Insightful guidance when you need it 

Learn Tarot - A magickal, inspirational tool for life

Tarot eBooks - Great value, innovative Tarot study material

Make sure you subscribe to my feed to receive the latest articles straight into your inbox when published.

You can also connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumbr and Instagram.

The Six Human Needs

I recently came across Tony Robbins' website, an American life coach and self-proclaimed "catalyst for change and strategist for success". Amongst plenty of useful information and resources, his post about the six human needs on his blog caught my attention.

My first thought was how illuminating it would be to turn it into a Tarot spread / reading, so before I do that, here's a summary of what the six human needs are all about.

Every day we strive to fulfil our basic needs:

1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure ( I would also include here the need for security, stability, a sense of permanence, structure, routine) 
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli 
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed (also: recognition, appraisal)
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something (also: friendships, social interactions)
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding 
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

In order to support and fulfil these needs, we create a multitude of beliefs and take action according to the needs we tend to focus on the most.

So, here's the first question for you to answer:

Which of these six needs do you tend to focus on or value the most?


What motivates you? Which of the six core needs influences your decisions? What is making you tick? 

I'm sure that deep down you already know the answer, but you can use the Tarot to explore this question further. For this purpose, I have chosen two of my personal tarot cards based on my date of birth to explore this question:

Personality Card: The Hermit

Linked to Virgo, the Hermit suggests earthy needs, such as security, stability and certainty, but also the need to delve into the unknown seeking new stimuli and variety. 

Zodiac Card: The Moon

According to the Moon, linked to my sun sign Pisces, I am more inclined to focus on uncertainty and variety than anything else. Fluctuations, drifting, restlessness are key traits of the Moon and of my life so far. 

Interestingly, both Virgo and Pisces are mutable signs. People born under or influenced by mutable signs tend to be adaptable, flexible, going with the flow, resourceful and versatile, but they can also be volatile, unpredictable and feeling insecure at times. 

My focus on uncertainty/variety has come as a bit of a surprise to me. I always thought I tend to base most of my life choices on certainty and love/connection, but this isn't so. In fact, for some of my most important decisions I have relinquished certainty and love/connection for the sake of variety. 

What are the ways (good and bad) you meet these needs? For example, in your relationships, work, eating, exercise, etc.?


Again, answer this question before you consult the Tarot and then compare notes. 

Personally, I meet my needs by moving on after a while; I've moved countries, had numerous jobs in different disciplines (and I still do a variety of jobs today!), long-term relationships haven't worked for me so far, enjoy a variety of hobbies and interests, always want to learn something new, do something different, and even my taste buds have changed quite radically over the years.

The pip cards relating to my zodiac card The Moon are the Eight, Nine and Ten of Cups. The Eight of Cups in particular highlights the way I meet my needs - letting go and moving on to seek new pleasures, which I enjoy for a while and then move on again. I suppose I get bored so easily... *sigh*

How can you increase your focus on growth and contribution? What are some things you can do, or new experiences you can participate in?

Many people tend to avoid focusing on growth, because it is often linked to loss, endings and pain. It can be easier to stick with what you know and what you're accustomed to, but it can leave you in a position of living your life on auto-pilot, compromising on integrity and not fulfilling your true potential. That's why so many people are stuck nowadays.

Although I have no problems participating in new experiences, I may actually need to turn them into growth, be more aware of lessons learned and apply them in order to stop drifting.

Using the Tarot for further guidance, you can either explore the pip cards of your zodiac card further, or you can draw a card from your deck.

I have drawn the Queen of Swords as a random message and advice card.

The Queen of Swords is asking me to use my intellect rather than emotions when making decisions, value my independence more, use my perceptive skills to see more clearly rather than being too trusting, and getting straight to the point rather than trying to be diplomatic. I also need to get super clear on what I REALLY want, quite literally making a list of specifics rather than being vague.

The Queen of Swords is also asking me to contribute with knowledge, wisdom and fairness by using my teaching and organisational skills. I have already been doing this for many years not just in work but also in my personal and social life, but I know there is always more I can do, and more consciously, too.

Now over to you.

You can ask additional questions, such as

• Which needs do you tend to neglect or avoid, and why?
• What can you do to nurture those needs?

Exploring your core needs is particularly useful when important life choices have to be made, whilst experiencing major change and transition, and at times of stress and feeling overwhelmed.

Take your time when doing this work to gain more clarity on your true purpose, ambitions, goals and ultimately to know thyself.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane



All Tarot images: Aquatic Tarot

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

 

My Word for the Year

Coming up with a word for the year to inspire and encourage you over the coming months ahead is a magickal way to help you achieve goals or simply guide you to where you want to be.

I first came across this idea when I started using Leonie Dawson's Year Planner, and this year I'm choosing a word for the first time.

My word is inspired by this year's energy card, the Chariot, which is linked to the element water.

Although it's spiritually meaningful to me, it's also kind of humorous, too.

It's PLUNGE.

There is a nice ring to it. You'll know what I mean when you say it out loud. Linger on the 'n'...plunnnnnge :)

It sounds whole-hearted; better than "plop", which only covers the surface, or "splash", which is just noisy. PLUNGE goes deep and all the way.

This year, I will plunge into the unknown.

I will plunge into faith.

I will plunge into love.

I will plunge into the ocean of change, and let its currents and tides take me where I'm meant to be.

I will plunge into that ocean with my eyes closed trusting my inner knowing that all will be well.

PLUNGE expresses my need to initiate movement, to embrace the unknown, overcome fears, to dare and to accept impermanence.

And then of course PLUNGE makes me laugh. Where would I be without a word that puts a smile on my face?

Perhaps this year I will also plunge into a shopping centre (haven't done that for years), plunge into a nightclub, plunge into a new hobby, plunge into studies, plunge into parties, plunge into a skirt or a dress (haven't worn those for years either).

I'll be taking the plunge for sure. I wonder how often I will use this word😄

What's your word for the year?

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

Connect with me on:

Substack - Live more Magic

Medium - Simplify your Life

Ko-Fi - Creative Tarot Journaling

Cosmic Spirit Tarot and Wellness

 

Growing Old is the New Staying Young

Growing old? Bring it on! 

Last night I was totally inspired by Fabulous Fashionistas, a Channel 4 documentary about a group of six women with the average age of 80, who refuse to blend in after a certain age.

The programme highlighted that ageing is an attitude; there is no need to give up on life, work, love, fashion and excitement regardless of how old you are.

Anything is possible, even if you are officially classed a pensioner.

The least you can do is enjoying a ticket to ride in a flamboyant outfit with your well earned free bus pass!

We don't have to be rich, and health problems will crop up too, but we can all strive to enjoy life and be as unconventional as we want to be.

The programme couldn't have been shown at a better time for me, as I'm slowly approaching my 50th birthday - eek! Only a few months to go!

Deep down I have always known that I will never morph into a little old lady with permed hair wearing beige clothes and becoming invisible.

I've always hated beige and that mousy grey....50 shades of grey??? 

Hell no! 

Give me 1000 shades of purple, red, green and blue with a dash of gothic black!

It's not about looking younger - it's about having fun and expressing personality and vibrancy.

It's about thinking and feeling young, which makes a person naturally attractive (no facelift required!).

And I will embrace my wrinkles and white hair. I won't torture my body with botox and plastic surgery only to live up to the media's ideal of forever-looking-young beauty.

Beauty is present at any age.

"I was writing cookery books for decades, and one day I decided to become a weird artist." Sue Kreitzman, 73

Older women are beautifully captured

 in the images of the Gaian Tarot

© Joanna Powell Colbert

I also know that I will work until I drop dead. And even though I love what I'm doing right now, I can see myself doing something completely different, if I'm lucky and blessed enough to reach my 60s and 70s.

And yes, I will always strive to keep fit and work my body, something I have been doing all my life and will continue until I can no longer move.

"The moment you start letting yourself go is the moment when you are old." Lady Trumpington, 91

The women featured in the programme didn't have a charmed life. They have all suffered bereavement, loosing their beloved husbands, and one even lost her son.

But that didn't stop these ladies embracing life despite their painful experiences.

Yes, ageing is a mindset. We need more great role models like these, showing that life is for living, and we can be fabulous at every stage of our journey on this planet.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

PS: Have you noticed that in many Tarot and Oracle decks women are depicted as young and pretty, whereas men are allowed to look older? 

Do you own a deck that depicts older women as attractive, strong and graceful, rather than ugly and frail? Please do let me know ;)

Transform your life this year: 

Tarot Readings - Insightful guidance when you need it
Learn Tarot - A magickal, inspirational tool for life
Tarot eBooks - Great value, innovative Tarot study material

Make sure you subscribe to my feed to receive the latest articles straight into your inbox when published.

You can also connect with me on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

Recognising a Toxic Relationship

You are in love, but all is not as it seems. Cracks begin to appear, but you are trying to ignore them, because mostly you're getting on well together.

Yet deep down you are anxiously waiting for Jekyll to turn into Hyde yet again, giving you days, sometimes even weeks of misery. When will it be? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month?

It's not easy to recognise a toxic relationship. It all starts very subtly, and the severity increases over time:

• little tiffs become more common and start to intensify
• sarcastic and cutting comments and remarks, e.g. changing from "you are so beautiful" to "you're getting fat"
• no clear communication; avoiding to talk about issues
• accusations, e.g. your tentative request to spend more time together is turned against you as " being controlling"
• avoidance or refusal to show affection or be intimate (you may be accused of being demanding or selfish)
• lack of trust and increased jealousy; again, you may be accused of being a liar, selfish and a manipulator (all based on paranoid assumptions and their own weaknesses)

Remember, a healthy relationship should make you feel nurtured, nourished, appreciated, valued, respected, loved and cherished.

But when it's slowly turning into a trap of negativity, it will make you feel low, depressed, sad, angry, fearful, lost, unhappy, unsupported, alone, losing self-worth and confidence, tired... pulling you slowly into a pit of doom.

When a relationship gets you down this way, then trust me, you need to get out, because you cannot change it.

But of course, it's not always easy to leave a relationship from one day to the next. Most likely you still love that person and hope things will change for the better. But believe me, there will be no change, because the person's personality traits, behaviour and habits are so deeply ingrained, they may even be unaware of it.

Even if they do realise, they find it almost impossible to make positive changes. At best, it will be constant hard work, not just for them but for you, too. In fact, mostly for you, because they actually don't care much, or just haven't got the energy to make the effort.

You'll be stuck in a loveless relationship that will make you feel as lonely as the sole survivor of a global disaster. Before that happens, you will need to learn that it is much better to be alone than trapped in a bad relationship, and overcome your fear of loneliness.

If you suspect to be in a toxic relationship, here are some tell-tale signs, some or many of which will apply:

• they have had numerous previous relationships; some of which only lasted for a few weeks, others were just one-night stands, casual or friends with benefits
• they like to blame others 
• they are highly opinionated
• they find easily fault with you, and they like to point out any weaknesses you have
• they like to hog your attention
• they keep discussing their problems with you, but in return cannot relate to you when you need to talk to them about yours
• they lack empathy and are emotionally limited; don't expect them to love you unconditionally
• they are selfish, always concerned with themselves and their own feelings, not yours
• they like to project their own weaknesses on to you, e.g. when confronted about their increasing level of withdrawal from you, they accuse you in return of the same - very frustrating!
• if you don't do things their way, they become cold, withholding or even punishing (they will do something they know will annoy or even hurt you)
• they always complain about how others treat them; it seems like the whole world is against them
• they always want to have the upper hand, the last word, power and control
• they tend to talk constantly, and you can't get a word in edgeways; you find yourself having to rudely interrupt to turn their monologue into a two-way conversation
• if you challenge them, they are highly defensive and refuse to talk further, giving you the silent treatment
• they are self-absorbed, e.g. they can be surfing the net for hours or playing games on their phone completely ignoring you
• they don't have any genuine friends, just acquaintances or associates
• they aren't that sociable either
• they had an unhappy childhood, or where brought up in a dysfunctional family with little guidance and inadequate role models
• you feel like you're putting a lot of effort into the relationship with very little return
• eventually they will blame you for the break-up of the relationship

Living with a person like this can drain the life out of you; it's not surprising that they are also known as emotional vampires.

If you happen to be involved with such a person, you may hesitate to end the relationship, because you still have hope that it can work out.

My tip: It is best to end the relationship, when you know you have tried everything, and you can do no more, so you may still have some work to do before you are ready to detach yourself.

What you can try before you let go:

• Set clear boundaries what is and what isn't acceptable. By all means be tolerant of minor issues, but being ignored for days or cheated on as a punishment demands zero tolerance. 
• Communicate your boundaries clearly and don't be afraid to speak out. 
• Stand your ground. If you keep holding back, it is likely out of fear, perhaps from another cutting remark or accusation. You might avoid a nasty argument, but in the long-term that doesn't make you feel better or help your relationship. Facing a confrontation will help you express your feelings and also realise where you stand. It will help you make a decision about the relationship.
• Set a time limit for when you know you need to call it a day. A deadline (pardon the pun ;)) often helps to stay focused rather than drifting in the status quo indefinitely. At least you can take stock and revise it, if you need more time. 
• Practice self-care to stay confident and positive. Nothing can knock your self-esteem and self-worth as much as a toxic relationship. It's so easy to fall into the trap of feeling worthless, ugly, unlovable, demeaned and put down. Avoid binging on food (especially carbs) and succumbing to your depressive mood. Instead, exercise regularly, go for massages, wear nice clothes, and don't forget to seek out the presence of positive people, especially family and friends, who support you.

It's still painful to make that break, but by giving it at least a good try, you are unlikely to look back wondering if you have made a rash decision. Actually, chances are high, you were very patient. Some people are stuck in this kind of relationship for many years.

It may take you several attempts to break out. Perhaps you will be lured back with seeming regret and promises of change only to find that good intentions were only short-lived. You may even experience some happy time for a number of weeks or even months before the Jekyll/Hyde scenario repeats itself.

Keep reminding yourself of the kind of relationship you truly want and deserve, and one day you will no longer be fooled.

Take your time, dearest, until you are ready. Be always kind to yourself while you are trying to get out, even when you feel crappy afterwards thinking what the hell took you so long to leave.

Don't ever blame yourself; all you did was love that person with all your heart, and you wanted it to work out. That is not a weakness.

And it's not entirely the other person's fault either. Make peace quickly; forgive them. They have their reasons why they are the way they are, and they have their own crosses to bear. Avoid lasting resentment and bitterness.

And when you are ready to meet someone new, don't close your heart based on your experience.

Keep your faith that there are many kind and loving people out there, who you can be happy with.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane


Transform your life this year: 

Tarot Readings - Insightful guidance when you need it
Learn Tarot - A magickal, inspirational tool for life
Tarot eBooks - Great value, innovative Tarot study material

Make sure you subscribe to my feed to receive the latest articles straight into your inbox when published.

You can also connect with me on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.