After The Breakup - Is My Ex Happy?

Letting go and moving on
is all in the mind.

If I said no, would that make you happy?

If I said yes, would that hurt you?

This is one of the few questions I refuse to answer as a professional Tarot reader, because I don't feel that answering it would be of any value to you.

Firstly, you are asking about someone else, rather than paying more attention to yourself and your well-being.

Secondly, the answer is limited to yes or no. 

Thirdly, I can feel your pain of your separation from your ex, and by supporting your obsession with him or her by answering this question, I won't help you heal and move on.

I don't want to earn money this way. Instead, I am giving you my answer here, free of charge.

When someone asks me this question, it is unlikely they ask about their ex from the goodness of their heart.

When a relationship breakup still feels raw and painful, all you wish for is for the other to feel the same.

In fact, if you got dumped, or you finally freed yourself from a narcissist, all you can think of is cursing that individual and send all the ill will you can muster up their way.

But there is a more powerful and healing alternative: 

Learn to not give a shit about that person.

Don't care.

Learn to be indifferent.

Ignore them. No contact. Focus entirely on yourself and your recovery and healing.

This is a process, and you need to focus all your determination on this. 

While you are working on your personal growth, enjoying life and prepare yourself for new opportunities, consider my two answers to your question.

Is my ex happy?

1. Yes

He or she may have left you for someone else, so s/he will be elated. They will probably have great sex, and they may even get married and have kids. Happy-ever-after. 

Accept it. Get over it.

Would this answer make you feel any better? Probably not, so why keep torturing yourself?

It is now down to you to follow your own dreams and aspirations, to make the most of your life without forever pining for what you have lost. 

Your future is ahead, and you can choose, if your journey is miserable or fun.

2. No

They are as miserable and depressed as you are. They have had nothing but bad luck since your relationship ended. They now have doubts and wish they could get back together with you. 

Would this kind of answer encourage you to get in touch with them again? 

The last thing you want is a boomerang relationship that will prolong the agony over months, perhaps even years ahead.

Here's what you can do instead:

• When it's over, accept it's over.
• Rather than following your emotions, explore why your relationship didn't work out. There are some good reasons for it. Don't ignore them, and learn your lessons, so you won't make the same mistake again.
• Engage into some serious self-care. Book yourself on a course, do yoga classes, re-connect with friends, rebuild your life.
• Keep focusing your thoughts on yourself, and be committed to your well-being. Avoid any kind of drama, e.g. confrontations, stalking, trying to get answers, closure, etc. Just let go.
• Embrace change. Check out my manifest change healing cards that can help you create the change you want and need.
• Get creative - read, write, paint, craft. Get together with like-minded souls to learn and experience new skills.
• Always remember the bad times you had with your ex, which were a reason you split up. 
• Don't initiate any contact with your ex, and try not to fall for their soppy messages of remorse. Your mind is telling you that it's all a load of b**locks. Heed its advice and stay strong.

Most of all, don't obsess over your ex. Don't torture yourself with painful questions about their whereabouts or happiness. It's no longer your concern. 

You are the most important person in your life right now, together with family and friends, who are close and support you.

Trust that you will feel better soon, and you can heal and rebuild your life. 

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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How Does He Feel About Me?

Over the years I have tackled all sorts of questions as a tarot reader, and I don't rephrase any of them.

How does he feel about me? is one of those that keeps coming up.

This question is asked for a number of reasons, including:

1. You've just met someone and wonder, if they like you as much as you like them.

2. A relationship has ended, and you're wondering, if they still have feelings for you that may get you back together.

3. You are dating someone, but keep getting mixed messages about their intention.

If you decide to ask me for a reading to get clarity on any of the above, then I must confess:

I cannot tell for sure, because tuning into someone's feelings without their permission rarely offers a clear and correct answer.

You see, when I do a reading for you, then the cards drawn are about you and how you are connected to others, not the other way round.

Speculating about other people's feelings isn't helping, if you are ignoring yourself. When you focus on other people's feelings, you are handing over your power to them. Don't do this to yourself.

Instead, I'd like to encourage you to consider the possible answers to your question from your perspective:

1. If you're wondering, whether someone is interested in you, then it's always best to look out for the signs. 

It often takes a little time and patience, even courage, when you have to make the first move, but it's worth it. 

One way or the other you will gain clarity, and you'll learn an important life skill, namely to read people based on their (non-)actions and (lack of) communication.

2. The ending of a relationship is painful, but this isn't the right time to wonder about their feelings. What about yours? 

Accept that it's over for now and work on moving on, rather than looking back. Acceptance of the breakup also helps you put closure on it, if this is something you are seeking with a reading.

3. If someone goes hot and cold on you, then chances are, they might not be that in to you. 

Perhaps they have commitment issues or other complex stuff going on in their life, but that's not for you to waste your precious time thinking about. 

If their intention is vague and it drives you nuts, don't care about what they feel, care about yourself and let go.

You need to be aware that reading about other people's thoughts, actions and feelings without their knowledge or permission is just speculation, and the cards drawn will mostly reflect your energies, not theirs.

But if you still want to ask how does he feel about me? Why not learn to read the Tarot for yourself? 

A simple one-card reading will often suffice to offer you some insight and an empowering message to help you move forward.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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Just One Little Thing That Can Change Your Life Forever

Tarot of Quotes

"One new perception,
one fresh thought,
one act of surrender, 
one change of heart,
one leap of faith 
can change your life forever."
Robert Holden


Just one thing.

A phone call. 

A chance meeting. 

A rejection. 

A random act of something.

For me it was back in 1983, when I was nearly being offered an apprenticeship with a prestigious company in my hometown in Germany. 

It was the kind of job that would set me up for life. It was between me and someone else. One of us would get the job.

I had to attend three interviews, and each time it got tougher. 

Fancy putting a 19-year old through a management-style recruitment process...yes, I know it's outrageous, and that's exactly how I suddenly felt about it whilst attending the third and final meeting.

And I decided during the sometimes sexist questioning (those were the days!) that I no longer gave a shit.

Needless to say I didn't get the job.

I went to university instead. Travelled through Europe, stayed in hippie communes and just enjoyed being a free spirit. I discovered women spirituality and had my first encounter with the Tarot.

My final excursion was England, where I lived for a year as an Au-Pair before I returned to Germany to complete my studies.

And then I came back to the UK and have lived here ever since. 

When I attended a school reunion a few years ago, I discovered that most of my class mates had never moved beyond a five mile radius of their place of birth. Some of them even got married to each other (gasp!).

I wondered, how my life would have been different, if I hadn't mentally given up in that interview and then been offered that apprenticeship... 

So, dear reader, what is the ONE little thing you will do today that could change your life forever?

Don't know? Why not pick up your favourite Tarot deck and pull a card or more for some suggestions. Can you influence the next turn of your Wheel of Fortune?

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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The Six Human Needs

I recently came across Tony Robbins' website, an American life coach and self-proclaimed "catalyst for change and strategist for success". Amongst plenty of useful information and resources, his post about the six human needs on his blog caught my attention.

My first thought was how illuminating it would be to turn it into a Tarot spread / reading, so before I do that, here's a summary of what the six human needs are all about.

Every day we strive to fulfil our basic needs:

1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure ( I would also include here the need for security, stability, a sense of permanence, structure, routine) 
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli 
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed (also: recognition, appraisal)
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something (also: friendships, social interactions)
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding 
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

In order to support and fulfil these needs, we create a multitude of beliefs and take action according to the needs we tend to focus on the most.

So, here's the first question for you to answer:

Which of these six needs do you tend to focus on or value the most?


What motivates you? Which of the six core needs influences your decisions? What is making you tick? 

I'm sure that deep down you already know the answer, but you can use the Tarot to explore this question further. For this purpose, I have chosen two of my personal tarot cards based on my date of birth to explore this question:

Personality Card: The Hermit

Linked to Virgo, the Hermit suggests earthy needs, such as security, stability and certainty, but also the need to delve into the unknown seeking new stimuli and variety. 

Zodiac Card: The Moon

According to the Moon, linked to my sun sign Pisces, I am more inclined to focus on uncertainty and variety than anything else. Fluctuations, drifting, restlessness are key traits of the Moon and of my life so far. 

Interestingly, both Virgo and Pisces are mutable signs. People born under or influenced by mutable signs tend to be adaptable, flexible, going with the flow, resourceful and versatile, but they can also be volatile, unpredictable and feeling insecure at times. 

My focus on uncertainty/variety has come as a bit of a surprise to me. I always thought I tend to base most of my life choices on certainty and love/connection, but this isn't so. In fact, for some of my most important decisions I have relinquished certainty and love/connection for the sake of variety. 

What are the ways (good and bad) you meet these needs? For example, in your relationships, work, eating, exercise, etc.?


Again, answer this question before you consult the Tarot and then compare notes. 

Personally, I meet my needs by moving on after a while; I've moved countries, had numerous jobs in different disciplines (and I still do a variety of jobs today!), long-term relationships haven't worked for me so far, enjoy a variety of hobbies and interests, always want to learn something new, do something different, and even my taste buds have changed quite radically over the years.

The pip cards relating to my zodiac card The Moon are the Eight, Nine and Ten of Cups. The Eight of Cups in particular highlights the way I meet my needs - letting go and moving on to seek new pleasures, which I enjoy for a while and then move on again. I suppose I get bored so easily... *sigh*

How can you increase your focus on growth and contribution? What are some things you can do, or new experiences you can participate in?

Many people tend to avoid focusing on growth, because it is often linked to loss, endings and pain. It can be easier to stick with what you know and what you're accustomed to, but it can leave you in a position of living your life on auto-pilot, compromising on integrity and not fulfilling your true potential. That's why so many people are stuck nowadays.

Although I have no problems participating in new experiences, I may actually need to turn them into growth, be more aware of lessons learned and apply them in order to stop drifting.

Using the Tarot for further guidance, you can either explore the pip cards of your zodiac card further, or you can draw a card from your deck.

I have drawn the Queen of Swords as a random message and advice card.

The Queen of Swords is asking me to use my intellect rather than emotions when making decisions, value my independence more, use my perceptive skills to see more clearly rather than being too trusting, and getting straight to the point rather than trying to be diplomatic. I also need to get super clear on what I REALLY want, quite literally making a list of specifics rather than being vague.

The Queen of Swords is also asking me to contribute with knowledge, wisdom and fairness by using my teaching and organisational skills. I have already been doing this for many years not just in work but also in my personal and social life, but I know there is always more I can do, and more consciously, too.

Now over to you.

You can ask additional questions, such as

• Which needs do you tend to neglect or avoid, and why?
• What can you do to nurture those needs?

Exploring your core needs is particularly useful when important life choices have to be made, whilst experiencing major change and transition, and at times of stress and feeling overwhelmed.

Take your time when doing this work to gain more clarity on your true purpose, ambitions, goals and ultimately to know thyself.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane



All Tarot images: Aquatic Tarot

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The Other Woman

Sharman-Caselli Tarot Deck
(c) St. Martin's Press 2002

For most people, having a relationship with a married person isn't a choice but an unfortunate accident.

They fall in love with someone, who hasn't been truthful about their legal status at first, but they are "too far gone" to pull out without facing the emotional pain of a breakup.

Or they knew right from the start, but embarked on the doomed affair thinking they'd met the love of their life rather than thinking straight.

Women especially can get entangled in such a relationship, hoping it will go somewhere.

And when all they get are a few hours a week of rushed love for months on end, they begin to wonder, if this will ever change.

At that point, I receive reading requests: "Will he leave his wife for me?" or "When will he leave his wife for me?"

Before you spend money on a reading, here is a helpful statistic for you:

95% of men, who have an affair, won't leave their wives.

Are you hoping to be one of the lucky 5%?

Sure, we often hear stories about men running off with the mistress only to return to their wives a few months later.

Why?

Because once the secret of the affair has been revealed, the thrill tends to fade and men become disillusioned with their once so exciting lover-on-the-side.

Perhaps he's been telling you that he wants to leave his wife, or he keeps talking about his marital problems and issues, which may lead you to think that you have a good chance.

I'd hate to break it to you, but no. No chance. Unless he has made concrete plans about leaving his marriage behind, he will only use you as an exciting distraction from his otherwise mundane life.

Especially when there are children involved, it will be even less likely he'll leave his family. And if he does, beware! He could easily do the same to you at one point in the future.

If you make the conscious choice about having a relationship with a married man, you need to let go of any illusion that he will leave his wife.

You need to accept that he can only spend a few hours a week with you, sometimes even less. He could dump you at any time, especially when he feels under pressure or he's getting bored of you.

If he is a decent man, who knows his responsibilities, his family will always come first, and you will come last.

There is unlikely to be happy-ever-after with this relationship. Be prepared for that.

Perhaps you are at a point, where you feel alone and desperate. Then now is a good time to reconnect with your friends and rebuild your own social life.

You may have been at your lover's beck and call, which over time will have put you in a position of isolation and powerlessness.

It's time to regain your power.

Now is the time to detach yourself from your lover and do your own thing. When he asks to see you for a few hours, say "no" and arrange to meet up with friends instead.

Start to learn to be more independent again.

Get your life back.

Tell your lover to go and fix his marriage. He shouldn't leave his marriage for you but for the fact that his marriage can no longer be fixed, but he's put all his effort into saving it. It can be tough getting accused of being a home wrecker.

Ok, would you still like to explore your options with an email reading? With a 3-card reading we can explore

1. current energies surrounding your relationship 
2. what you can do to get this relationship moving (one way or the other)
3. overall staying power of this relationship (outlook)

Depending on your individual circumstances, I can adjust this reading to give you best possible guidance.

Hey girlfriend, let's sort this mess out once and for all!

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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Will He Come Back To Me?

Don't hang about when he's gone,
you've got better things to do.
Housewives Tarot
(c) Paul Kepple & Jude Buffum

Okay, girlfriend, so he dumped you, and you're devastated. You're in a bit of a shock and wonder, if this has really happened.

Surely, he must still love you and soon will regret his silly action of just walking out on you.

Surely, he will change his mind and come creeping back begging for forgiveness.

Let me tell you this, girlfriend:

In your dreams!

You really must be cruel to be kind to yourself and answer this question with a cutting but ultimately liberating

NO

He's gone.

Gone forever, and he won't return. Ever.

No need to ask for a Tarot reading to answer this question.


Today is the first day of the rest of your life without him.

Accept that, girlfriend, and soon you'll realise it's for the best.

And please, don't beg him to stay or come back. That's so unattractive and won't do your self-worth any good. You'd be better off eating a tub of ice-cream.

Why on earth would you want someone back, who hurt you this much anyway?

Yes, of course, I know: you still love him (or perhaps just the idea of him?).

And it's so hard to let go of that love. So hard to face and embrace that pain of loss. It takes inner strength, perseverance, tears, some good friends and lots of self-care to do that.

Won't happen quickly, but believe me, girlfriend: you can do it!

That's what you need to focus on rather than wondering, if he'll come back to you. Otherwise, time will stand still for you. You will put your life on hold whilst waiting and hoping he'll be back one day.

Face it now: he's gone.

Detaching yourself emotionally is the best you can do right now to avoid weeks and months of misery.

But what, if the answer was YES?

Would that make you feel happy and you'd gladly wait for him to return? Would you really want him back as if nothing had happened? Think about this for a moment...

Yes, on rare occasions they do come back, but often for reasons other than unconditional love for you. He may come back because:

• he is insecure
• has low self-esteem
• he needs you to make him feel good about himself
• another relationship didn't work out
• he'd rather be with anyone than being alone, and he knows you still want him
• unresolved emotional issues
• he just wants to be friends (often with benefits)
• he doesn't really know what he wants (and may soon be off again)

And on the even rarer occasion, he will have realised he's made a terrible mistake and will want to return for good.

Yes, sometimes this happens.

Yes, sometimes there are happy reunions and not-so-happy reunions.

But will this warmed-up relationship be blessed with happy-ever-after or cursed with lingering tension and trust issues?

So, if he does turn up on your doorstep again, here are some really interesting questions you could ask the Tarot:

1. What is in it for me?
2. What will I gain?
3. What will I lose?
4. How will taking him back affect my life?
5. How will rejecting him affect my life?

And of course, don't forget to communicate directly and ask him straight, why the hell he's come back, and what are his lame excuses for leaving you in the first place, and what has changed his mind.

Evaluate his answers carefully. You can even use the Tarot to validate them and explore his true intentions.

And before you rush in determined to make the same mistake twice, give it time. Re-connect as friends only. See, if what he said and promised to win you over he is putting into action.

Once broken, trust is hard to rebuild. A walk-out always causes damage to a relationship even with the best intentions to repair it when reunited. It doesn't always work. You need to be aware of that.

To summarise, will he come back to you?

No.

Don't hang on to false hope putting your life on hold. Focus on getting over it and on with your life. So many new opportunities for you out there in good time.

But if he does want to come back, do get in touch, and we can explore your options together.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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