Coping with Impermanence

If you're like me and enjoy visiting New Age / spiritual blogs, perhaps you have also noticed that many of them are just too positive.

The writers of these blogs always seem to be happy, enjoying strolls along the beach and taking snapshots of sunsets and playing dogs, only to post them to their readers to demonstrate what a fabulous life they lead and how happy they are.

They keep mentioning their happy marriages and clever kids; the dinner they cook, and how well their business is doing.

If they do write about an upset, then it's about having run out of Shiraz for their Beef Bourguignon, or they bought a toaster without a bagel setting by mistake.

Shiny, happy people...what REALLY goes on inside them?

All these Mind/Body/Spirit blogs offering advice on how to be happy accompanied by photos with smiley people, who either walk along the beach or hug a tree, or they are in some sort of yoga or meditation position.

I'm guilty of this, too. You can find plenty of cheerful and "uplifting" posts here on my journal, but let me tell you a secret:

I have many dark moments. 

Often I am depressed. 

Sometimes I feel lost. 

My life isn't perfect only because I work as a Tarot Reader and help others.

I have issues. Some big ones, too.

Walks in nature make me feel sad, because they make me think of how times change and what once was and never will be again.

I keep thinking about the inevitability of death as I'm fast approaching my 50th birthday.

Halloween Tarot (c) US Games Inc.

Hey, after all it's Halloween soon! Perfect timing to reflect on endings, loss, change and an uncertain renewal and unwanted new beginnings.

Let's face it; when a loved one dies, that doesn't always lead to a positive transformation for the bereaved.

All that can be done is getting on with life as best as possible, and that's not always good. Just hanging in there. Surviving another day...

Not the best shiny-happy website can change your situation, merely trying to inspire you to try new strategies to survive and make the most of what you have left, but you will still experience plenty of those dark moments.

It's ok.

You're not alone. 

Join the club.

When you ask me for a reading about your broken relationship, then I can sense exactly how you feel:

That quiet desperation and desire for the pain to go away. Yes, that pain is really bad. I know.

The hope for reconciliation.

The yearning for a happy-ever-after....

The last thing I will do is give you some condescending advice like you'll get over it soon. Perhaps you will, but it will stay with you and affect your life in some way.

Experiencing any kind of loss and recovering from it is a process, and there is no miracle formula to make it easy.

You do have a choice though how you want to deal with it, but yes, despite your best efforts, you will experience setbacks, doubts and insecurities.

It really sucks.

But you're not alone.

Behind all those shiny-sparkly-ecstatic façades out there is a lot of hidden angst and despair. If not, then they have no right to ram those love-n-light messages into your face, because they haven't truly experienced the dark side to know what life is really like.

Sometimes it helps to admit how you truly feel. What really goes on inside you. Letting go of the pressure to always appear content and leading a fabulous life. Because that's not reality.

Halloween Tarot (c) US Games Inc.

Reality is that life is changing constantly, and it can be difficult to cope with sometimes. 

I'd love to see those spiritual writers be more honest and open up about their struggles and challenges and how they handle them.

How they deal with setbacks.

When and why they shed tears (not because they chopped a particularly strong onion!).

Being imperfect.

Vulnerable.

That would make them human.

Revealing your shadow self, your own deep hurt can often be more inspirational than some happy-go-lucky tips on how to cheer up (I'm guilty!!!).

Me? Life has taught me to burst out in a sarcastic cackle more often nowadays when reading some well-intended yet patronising advice on the internet.

And yes, you'll be reading more about the hidden me here in the future ;)

Warmest wishes,

Christiane

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